Healthy. Happy. Life. Update. Taking a pause from yummy vegan recipes today. It has been three weeks since I wrote this post. Since Nelly lost her battle with cancer. And a few of you have asked how I am doing. So to continue this heart-filled conversation we have started about pet love and loss (thank you for sharing your own honest and emotional stories in the comments - I continue to read each and every one), I want to share my update..
First. Thank you. Thank you to everyone who continues to leave sweet and caring notes here on my blog about Nelly. I love that she will live forever through the pawprint she made here on HHL.
I have cherished the time I have taken to pause from work as well as my time now as I continue the work I love. Cooking, writing, photographing, laughing, creating, inspiring, being inspired. All things that make me happy. Work is so healing for me. So thank you for being on the other end of the work I love to do!
Dawn in Santa Monica. A new day. Pink sun-kissed clouds slowly clear for the rising sun:
My Three Weeks.
Nelly leaving. Nelly was a very special kitty to me. More special than any other pet I have ever had. So losing her was a moment in life I had been dreading ever since I first fell deeply in love with her sweet fuzzy paws and velveteen soft soul. I had no clue how I would react to losing her. Would I really be able to cope? The thought seemed unimaginable. I used to cry just thinking about losing her. Just the thought of it crushed me.
Ready or not. It was suddenly time to jump.
During Nelly's cancer battle, the sky was spinning on a daily basis. And when it all abruptly and tragically ended, everything fell silent. The sky. The room. Every familiar scene became so calm and quiet. It all jerked still so suddenly.
I felt so dizzy in the sudden stillness of it all.
Our house felt bitterly quiet without Nelly frolicking around, scratching on her post, scampering across the hardwood floor, scraping around in her kitty litter, crunching on her greenies.
It is funny how loud silence can be sometimes.
I now faced the challenge of sorting out this whole mess in my head, while the swift world kept rushing by.
Thank goodness for friends, family & an uber supportive online community of animal lovers, aka YOU.
So three weeks is big for me. I am proud to feel my soul strengthen as I discover that I DO have the ability to cope with such a profound loss in my life. The loss of my soul kitty.
--
Baby cat. circa 2001..
Lessons Learned: Loss. Tears of Joy. And the Appreciation of Sadness.
It is so easy to be sad. To cry. To sit in that place of loss.
And for a while all you do is 'be sad.' Then eventually, through red eyes and endless tears, your brain whispers to your heart, "When will this sadness go away? When will this pain end?"
The sadness. It takes up so much space in those first few days and weeks that there is little room left to focus on anything else.
But then, for me, I realized two things:
1. That sadness? That sadness will never go away. I will always think about Nelly being gone and be sad. It is sad to lose a soul that brought me SO many years of happiness.
2. But the second thing I realized was that I do not mind that the sadness will never go away. It validates the bond I had with her. I cherish it actually. And the root of that sadness is simple, it is what I keep saying over and over and over, "I just miss her."
So having accepted the fact that the sadness will always be somewhere inside me, I decided, like clicking on a light switch, that I had to force my brain to smile and let joy triumph.
To smile, laugh, look up and feel a warm glow of happy when Nelly crosses my mind. Which is quite often! I just have to remember the million billion things Nelly did to make me feel loved, to make me roar in laughter and to make me feel whole. And all those feelings I had when she was still here come swelling back in my heart, even if just for a moment. Those gifts from our bond will never fade.
I hinted this in my last Nelly post, but it is worth repeating: I will get through this by having gratitude towards the love Nelly gave me in my life, how lucky I was to have found her. And also by acknowledging the happiness, pride and thanks I feel from being able to have given her such an amazing, joy-filled kitty life.
So many kitties out there never feel the love and happiness that Nelly did. She was a blessed girl!
Feeling that gratitude brings tears to my eyes. Yet I am still smiling. Tears of joy. They come at such special times in life. At weddings, graduations, babies being born, long lost friends and family reuniting. Tears of joy, I think, are the secret to this whole mess of pain and loss. Tears of joy make everything make sense to me.
I am still crying. I am still sad. But I am smiling.
And my happy warm face is all I can feel.
And so like a switch, I turn on my memories-of-Nelly induced smile every chance I get.
Even if those bittersweet tears sometimes come too.
--
Animal Lover. So where now? Healing continues, forever I guess. But the other question is, when does another pet enter our lives? I am eager to save another animal and welcome it into our home. But we are not ready just yet. Everyone is different on that path I suppose. And I'm not sure if we will choose a dog, cat, bunny! Who knows. Just like with Nelly, I am sure the animal will choose us. But I have never had a dog, so I am actually anxious for some advice on that.. My friend Jaya actually had a beautiful sentiment about adopting a new animal. To not think of it as a "replacement" but more as a tribute. One life ends, another is saved. Beautiful. I think Nelly would love that. When we are ready.
--
If you are going through the loss of a pet: 1) Seek help if you need it. Via pet loss books, professional counselors or maybe even just an awesome friend, in person or online. And 2) Remember that beyond the initial horribleness of loss, there is much to be gained from the process of mourning and coming out on the other side, alive. Feeling yourself very slowly but surely, healing. Keep your eyes and heart open, I promise there is gold to be found on the other side.
xo ~Kathy
Ana Q. Avellar says
Hello Kathy, my name is Ana and I ended up visiting your blog in search of a recipe but I believe Father God is behind all this. My cat Smokey also passed six days ago due to some sort of intoxication, he was six years old. My beautiful gray, big eyes best friend Smokey is no longer in my bedroom, in my kitchen, in my arms... I am so hurt, I miss him so much I can't do anything right, the desire of doing things is about zero. Yes, I am crying right now but at the same time I found comfort when I found you and Nelly. I believe God made me find your blog as an answer to my prayers. I prayed for strength and comfort, I asked Him to help me with this endless pain. After reading your story I don't feel alone anymore, I feel that God really is trying to help me. Thank you Kathy for sharing. To Nelly and Smokey. Ana.
Luv What You Do says
My heart is hurting for you (although I know this was posted while back) as that is such a tough thing to go through. After a year and a half, my bf and I got a new baby kitten who has brought a lot of energy back into our lives. It's great to have a cat back in our house! I love seeing the baby kitty pictures.
Lupe says
That was a beautiful post. I lost my sweet Shasta girl (12 year old whippet) in July and like you I completely dreaded the day for so many years of her life. She was my heart and soul. Thank you for validating the grief I feel even though others do not understand my ongoing sorrow and sense of loss. Thank you also for putting out there that getting another pet is not a replacement but a tribute to the one you loved. It is not something I can even conceive of yet but it helps to read that and remember that if the time ever comes. I am forever grateful and blessed to have had her in my life - for her love, companionship and the joy she brought to my life. I am so very glad we rescued her 9 years ago!
Sara Daehn says
I bawl just thinking about losing my kitty, Pumpkin. She is only two but the thought of it is unimaginable to me. I do not know how I will handle it when it happens (hopefully a long time from now). I love the pictures of you and Nelly -- you are both so beautiful! I don't know what else to say, and I know I don't know you, but I still think about you and your story almost every day. Nelly was a lucky kitty.
sophiayoshi says
Kathy, my cat looks identical to your Nelly except that he has a white patch on his upper lip! The resemblance is amazing to me. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Even though my Hopkins is only about 2 years old, I often think about what it will be like when he drifts off to the rainbow bridge. It saddens me to think that we will be separated some day, and can only imagine what it is like for you. Still, I'm glad that you enjoyed sharing your life with Nelly and were able to open your home to such a sweet kitty. And know that whereever she is, she is pain free and waiting for you.
Emma E. Larson says
After six years of reading up on dogs, pleading with my parents, and staring wide-eyed at every pet store, my parents finally let me get a dog from the animal shelter. She was already seven years old, a little white bichon frise whose family needed to give her up after having another baby. We took her in and now, seven years later, she has spent over half of her life with us. But she's dying. My brother JUST called me and told me that he is going to drive an hour to my college to come pick me up and take me home to spend her last few hours with her. I'm so scared of having to put her down, and I've been crying for hours. She was my dream come true, and now I have to say good-bye. I remembered your struggle with Nelly, and you give me hope. I hope that in three weeks I can look back fondly on my little Millie, and not be horribly sad but thankful for all the times we did have together. I'll never forget when I first brought her home from the shelter.
Jan Weiss says
Kathy, Your beautiful and heartfelt posts have made me all teared up - with sadness and joy. I have an amazing puggle and he's a senior dog we got as a rescue a few years ago. I am so nutso about this little guy that I get emotional just thinking about someday being without him but at the same time I know that I will have that love to give to another rescue and continue on again. Each of my pets hold a place in my heart and another one doesn't replace it - it just adds on to the pile. I also have a special little rescue cat - she came along just before my other cat went missing in a park. She helped me through it. You have a huge heart and you are doing great...when the time is right the perfect furball will come along to steal your heart.
Jaya Bhumitra says
<3
7iThor says
I am glad you are accepting the sadness as a part of you. I recovered from depression once I stopped being afraid of it. I think all the mental energy we use to try to push feelings away creates a miserable situation but acceptance leaves that energy free for us to heal and live in the moment. So glad you are feeling resilient and are healing.
That's an adorable kitty picture of precious Nelly! All the pictures are adorable. Cats are so cute and photogenic! 🙂
Julia Ralston says
Kathy, first thank you for such wonderful words. As I read and crying thru it all, it just reminds me of my 3 kittys and how I miss them, I don't think one ever stops missing them. But there does come a time to allow a new life into ours and embrace all the new experiences. I realize you are not there yet. Its been a year for us, and I have been thinking very hard on getting 2 new kitttys in the new year. We currently have two pitt-boxer mixes that are 3 years old and like cats,( we had the cats before the puppies so they are used to cats.) Whatever you decide I know it will be a joyful life. If you go with a dog, I have to admit I am a big advocate of pitt-bulls, whether pure, or a mix. They are loving, loyal, very smart and have TONS of energy, especially when they are pups. It was like having a child, times 2, every 3 hours we would take them outside to potty, so as to be potty trained. They are spoiled rotten, but I think all animals should be, since so many don't have a good home. Anyway, not to make this a book, 🙂 You'll know when the time is right, and it will be so rewarding. Thank you again on sharing Nelly cat, she was beautiful.
Derrick Reider says
I am so sorrry for the loss of your dear friend Nelly.. thank you for sharing your experience of grief and loss especially . My dear father passed away last September and many of your words rang true..I miss him so very very much and still am trying to wrap my brain around the fact that he's gone.. but im also so thankful that i had him in my life for so long .To get to love someone is the most enriching experience i can think of .. theres pain with the loss but everyone who we are lucky enough to get to love .. enriches us and makes life joyfull ! wishing you peace in your journey .. thanks for this site as well .. its brought me a lot of happiness too !
E K says
Kathy you are further along in your grieving in 3 weeks than I am in 3 months. But that is where I would want to be: a smile on my face and being able to look back with joy. Good on ya. I pray that your next, perfect-for-you furbaby finds you in perfect timing.
Margee says
So sorry you are going through this difficult time, but it certainly sounds like you have great perspective. I lost a wonderful dog and can tell you that losing a pet is one of the hardest things we can endure, however in time you will realize that the joy Nelly gave you will outweigh the sadness and she will continue to give you joy through all of the wonderful memories.
Anatole France's words come to mind, "Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened". Best wishes for peace and continued healing.
rae - say it ain't so says
great post. everyone reacts differently I think. I lost my dog a few years ago very suddenly and it was devastating. my husband brought home another dog (another pug, a three legged one from the pound) just four days later. if he would have asked me, i think i would have said it was too soon, but it ended up being the best thing that could have happened. taking care of her really pulled me out of the funk and I was still very sad for a long time (and still think about my first pug rose every day) it made it a little easier. i love what you mentioned about bringing in a new pet being a tribute to the one that you lost.
Cyn Cooley says
When my lovely kitty Epi passed after 17 years together, I was devastated. Every little lump of clothes or pillow I saw out of the corner of my eye turned into her for weeks and upon realizing it wasn't, I was sad all over again. I thought after 6 months I was ready to get another kitty so I went to a rescue, walked up to the cages and burst into tears. I wasn't ready. Then I realized something, that cat (or dog) that needs you and that you need, will always find you. For me it came as an emergency, a friend who had taken a cat from another friend because her dog loves cats, found it was not the match made in heaven that she had hoped for, not even close. I took on the kitty as a "temporary solution", that was three years ago. I adore her, she is amazing and lovely, I'm not sure who rescued who but we're both so happy.
RockMyVeganSocks says
Beautiful post. I am so glad that you are accepting the sadness. Because it's ok to be sad. It sucks, it's a crappy feeling, but it's because you lost and some really good feelings were taken away. You wouldn't feel this badly had you not loved so much <3
On a side note - take all the time you need, but it's nice that you are already thinking of another furbaby. I myself am partial to dogs. My hubby and I just adopted a dog from a really great pet rescue (in Northern California & Southern California) called Doggie Protective Services (http://dpsrescue.org/). Looks like they have cats too. I've grown up with dogs, but have never had one on my own and my husband has never had a dog. So this is quite the experience for us. But incredibly enriching.
Liz says
I've cried through every Nelly post of yours (including this one). Not only are they so touching and inspirational, but they touch home and bring me back to my own loss. LONG before my furbaby left me, anticipating the horrible, gaping hole his loss would leave, I said to myself "The day he leaves me, I'm turning right around to the shelter to get another dog." I just did NOT want to endure that grief; I knew how debilitating and unbearable it would be. It's been over 4 years, and I still can't even think about getting another furbaby. The fact of the matter is that, despite, all of the happy, fulfilling years we had together, I still feel guilty (about SO MANY things). While he was with me, I felt like a great mom, but after his loss, I began to doubt all of that. And, so now, I doubt whether or not I have any business being a mom to another dog. It's all been a little like a breakup -- I question whether I can find that connection and make that bond with another living thing again. So, yes, to sum up this long ramble, you're right -- when and if a new addition is made to the family is different for everyone.
And, yes, silence can be SO deafening.
I was heartbroken for you when I read your goodbye post to Nelly, Kathy. I deeply worried about you and how you would cope with it all. I knew you would be okay, obviously. The post was a huge step in and of itself, and I thought, "Okay, good. She's doing what she's supposed to -- not wallowing and getting it out." I also knew that, no matter how well you were doing under the circumstances, the loss of her would be a devestating blow. I had been there so I knew how painful and raw it would all be. But, then, I read this post. 🙂 And I felt like a weight I didn't even know I had been carrying around had been lifted. I don't have the words to describe it. So, for now, it's just :).
It's truly miraculous how you've managed to pull so much wisdom and garner so much insight from this horribly, trying time in your life. I think this post was just as much for your readers as it was for you. 🙂 It's a wonderful guide for ANYONE dealing with grief so thank you.
Kathleen says
Dear Kathy, I'm sitting in a (dry) law school Evidence class reading your post, tears streaming down my face. What a beautiful way to describe your relationship with and love for your soul kitty. I also dread losing my kitty, Stevie, who's been with us for over half my life (I'm 25), and my new puppy, Rex. I'd never had a dog, and my brother and I adopted Rex a few months ago. It's a HUGE change from a kitty, so be prepared for the time and energy, but if you do have the time then I recommend it :). Both animals bring joy and love in very different ways. I think having a dog and a cat who get along would be an ideal situation since you'd get the best of both worlds--when you're ready. In the meantime, volunteering at a shelter or donating items or money to an animal sanctuary or even fostering an animal might make you feel a little more whole. Again, thanks for your heartfelt, touching post.
Kathy Patalsky says
And cheers to that 🙂
APPL yLE says
🙂 well said
Kathy Patalsky says
Aw Willow you sound just like me. My heart always felt like it would simply BURST with all the love I had for Nelly. Losing her seemed impossible. But I promise you will get through it when that day comes. That is the bittersweet reality of pets. We will love them and lose them. And somehow we heal. And that healing will show you that you are indeed stronger than you think.
That is what it showed me. xo Hugs to you and your pup.
Kathy Patalsky says
Aw thank you Allie. That is so super sweet and kind of you to write. I must say, if I mirror Nelly, I am forever happy. She was the sweetest, purest little soul I have ever met. I hope I can made her proud. Ahhh now you made me cry. xoxo <3
Kathy Patalsky says
Thanks BG! 🙂
Kathy Patalsky says
Thanks Andrea 🙂
Kathy Patalsky says
Thanks Lauren. I have to admit I cannot get those last few moments, that last HORRIBLE hour out of my mind. I wish I could just wipe it away. Or I wish even more that I could have changed Nelly's end. So you are not alone in that. It is so hard. Trying to keep those happy memories squash all the sad ones... <3
Kathy Patalsky says
So sorry you lost your mom to cancer Briana. I cannot imagine what that must feel like. But your spirit and healing perspective sounds just like mine. And I LOVE your puddle analogy 🙂 I have been both soggy in the puddle and in the sunshine drying off. Honestly, I think both are necessary through this process. A few soggy wet puddle sessions actually feel good. But the sun and warm toes is starting to feel better and better each day.
..see I loved you puddle story!! 🙂 xo <3
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you John, and I can say THANK YOU FOR LISTENING 🙂
Kathy Patalsky says
Thanks Heather. I'm so sorry you lost your dad. That must be insanely tough. I am so grateful to have both my parents still, even though my dad is 80 with a few health issues, so that is always a frightening thought in the back of my mind. But in many ways, as depressing as it sounds, this journey with Nelly truly has strengthened my soul and spirit. I feel more prepared for what life has to hand me in the future.
And I am so glad that you could relate this post to your own story of loss, I think the lessons I have learned do apply to both pets and people.
It is so true. The aching sadness validates the strong bond of love, in a crazy way. It is almost a happy sadness, once you start to heal. It is so hard to explain. Thank you for the prayers and thoughts, right back to you! <3
Kathy Patalsky says
Aw thank you for that Crystal! I send much love your way, we can get through this together. And yes, the sunshine DOES help a lot 🙂 My husband and I keep a Nelly memories journal and I adore it. I know in twenty years I will be able to read from it and have any fuzzy memories come rolling back to me crystal clear. I hope my sharing has help you and others who are going through this. There are so many people with stories like mine! And it really helps ME to be able to share! Wishing you many smiles and tears of joy. xo <3
Kathy Patalsky says
<3
Kathy Patalsky says
Wow Carmen that is quite a story. You went through a lot! I can only imagine how your heart feeling after you realized you wanted Chichi back. Oh my goodness that is so hard. But it sounds like you did the kind and unselfish thing by letting Chichi stay with her new family. You are amazing. That is love. You will see her again and she will thank you. xo
carmen says
thank you. i do love her still and always. i did have her visit me once after, and she was pissed at me, i could tell. before her new home, i had given her back to my friend, and the other dogs did not treat her nicely (they were big dogs). she has since passed away, and i'm glad she brought happiness to someone else. the guilt is still there, but having learned from that has made me love kiddo more. we communicate so well, and i KNOW he knows the word "love" b/c when i use it he becomes a mush.
Kathy Patalsky says
Thanks Sarah. So sorry you lost your kitties those ways. You sound like you have a very big and strong heart, even though it is always hard. I hope to be like you and just keep loving wonderful pets no matter how much it breaks my heart <3
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you for that Alisa. I appreciate it very much. There have been a few people who have already tried to convince me that I need a new pet ASAP. And that is so frustrating because everyone is so different. I am thinking of Orlando! I hope he is well and healthy again very soon. xo
Kathy Patalsky says
I never even thought about what it would be like right now if we had two pets. How odd that would have been. I guess going from one pet to zero pets is a huge jolt, I felt it. But I am really appreciating this quiet time to process everything. And yes, adopting two pets would be wonderful. Time will tell.
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you, it is scary to move forward. Everyone is so different. Some people heal best with a new pet ASAP. And others need some serious pause time before getting a new pet. Just like most things, listen to your heart and gut and the answer will show itself. <3 back to you
Guest says
I started crying a couple weeks ago, after reading the post you wrote after Nelly passed on. It hit home hard, because I lost my cat two years ago. I have really fond memories though, and try not to dwell on the sadness of losing him. I haven't adopted a new pet yet, and have been almost afraid to do it. Sometimes it is hard to move forward, and let go. I hope that the pain is not overwhelming you like it had been, and your heart is healing. <3
Gabrielle says
I'm so glad you're processing this profound loss with such a healthy attitude. I can't imagine being without any animals in the house after a loss like that. I'm so lucky I had two cats and a little dog still needing me when my Gladys left just a month ago, or I don't know what I would have done. It helps to be needed, to have to keep caring and loving and playing with other animals. When the time is right I'm sure the right animal will find you and you'll open your home and your heart once more. Consider more than just one, if you can. It's nice for them to have companions, and of course the more the merrier. Maybe you can find a pair who need a home together. I wish you the best. Healing can take so much time. We have an empty spot in our home right now, but we keep moving forward. With our memories held close.
Alisa says
My gosh, Kathy. I so appreciate all your blog posts. I remember telling my kitty, Orlando, how much I loved him when I read your initial post about Nelly, and then, strangely, Orlando developed his own illness (perhaps kitty IBD -- the vet can't come to any real conclusions after a battery of tests). I am so glad you have allowed yourself to fully experience Nelly's passing. And don't let anyone -- anyone -- tell you to grieve faster, or that all this grief over an animal is silly or too prolonged. I understand completely about Nelly being your pet soul mate. Many hugs to you and your family.
Sarah Hebard Milburn says
My thoughts are with you, Kathy. I've lost a few cats in my life (cancer, hit by a car on Clubhouse Drive the day after moving in, stroke) and no matter how prepared you are, it is never easy. Thinking about my kitties who have passed on is always painful and sad, but it's comforting to know that you've given another little life love, comfort and happiness.
carmen says
thank you for sharing. i hope it helps with healing. i used to have a chihuahua which my friend got from friends of animals then gave to me (she had 3 dogs and many cats). my chichi lived w/me and my mom for 3-4 years, during which i had become a born again christian. chichi was treated like a queen at my home (no other animals to compete with for attention). unfortunately, i had a new belief and outlook and so when i had the opportunity to move closer to this christian life (to an apt that did not accept pets), i thought like an idiot that it was god's calling. so, reluctantly, i gave chichi back to my friends. i had nightmares about having done this for 2 years, after which i had no chichi and had left the church. i found out she had been given to a quadriplegic who thought the world of her. she brought him joy, and i couldn't ask for her back (plus psychologically for her i knew it was wrong). i learned my lesson the hard way. i still miss her like it was yesterday. it all taught me how much animals are a part of your family and no less (we never had pets for long as kids b/c my dad would give them away). i loved chichi so much. i know right now she is in heaven and i'll see her again. i never thought i'd have such a kind friend again, but i've now had kiddo for 6 years. although he's had many complications (bladder stones and liver problems) not once have i thought of giving my buddy away. i borrowed money to get him back to health. i love him so much and we can't imagine our home without him. i kiss and hug him tons every day. i still feel the guilt and the hole from chichi but i know i'll see her again (i'm crying now).
Aimee Brimmer says
(((hugs)))
Crystal Elston says
Kathy, Thanks as always for your open honest sharing. I didn't realize until I read your post this morning exactly why I was having a more difficult time last night at bedtime and why upon wakening I was immediately crying. When I read your post I realized it is exactly Michael's 3 week anniversary and it made sense. When I have my crying sessions (as it builds up and needs release) I hear myself say over and over "I miss you so much".
When he first passed, I actually felt guilty loving my other 2 fur babies. Hailey is 15 and Morgan is 5 and it took a few days but I got to the point where I forced myself to pay attention that my relationships with them are just as valuable and they need me as much as I need them. And they make me laugh and help me to open that wealth of love I have to give which makes the sorrow subside and reminds me I have a lot to give and my relationships with them heal me. When it's time to bring in a new member of the family, you will know. Like you said, 'they choose you' (which is what happens to me too by the way). There is no rush, no timeline, and no expectations to live up to. When you feel like crap, it's okay- don't stuff it and hold that heavy stuff inside. You obviously have a healthy spirit and know when to grieve and when to embrace joy and happiness. It is still so new. It also doesn't suck that we both live on the southern and central coast of California near the ocean so the beauty of sunshine on the ocean water and gorgeous sunsets reminds us of the magnificence of life and all it beholds and in a way (for me) it's harder to hold on to sadness when the world can be so beautiful and there are so many reasons to love and share it.
Like many people said here it never really goes away but it does get easier and I think we are both trying to find our way right now, although I think you are doing a better job than I am, ha!
I did want to share something I saw on a show about a woman who lost her daughter. Her family has a 'memory jar' (likened to your book) and on small pieces of paper they have written something about her and they fold up those papers and put them in a jar. Each day or on the anniversary of losing her, they all pull out a piece of paper and read from it and laugh or cry or both. I think I will do this too. Hang in there. My heart goes out to you. I think you are doing amazing all things considered and there is certainly a ton of great advice both you and your audience are giving. Lots of love to you! xoxox
Heather McClees says
Lovely post Kathy. You know, I relate so much to what you're saying here in terms of you're okay with the sadness it brings, and even take comfort in it, because it reminds you of how close you two were. I also remember feeling the exact same way with my father passing, even though that's not the same thing. I can still remember thinking three years ago, " I just miss him." I knew he couldn't come back and I hated when people told me that, but I just wanted to take comfort in the fact that he and I were so close and all I wanted to do was just " miss him" because it was all I had left to remember him by.
Sometimes sad memories can be comforting because it shows we are human and in touch with our emotions. I don't cry at the drop of a hat anymore, but I will always miss him, and that's an okay thing. I'm praying for you this holiday season and so glad to see your outlook on this. You've been in my thoughts and prayers for months.
God bless sweet lady<3
John Hartil says
All I can say is thanks for sharing with us
Briana says
Grief is such a strange thing. It's not so much an emotion as a life event. I'm glad that you're choosing to smile and be happy - I think that's really the most important thing to do! I was dealt a hefty loss 3 years ago (my mom had cancer) and the first stretch was the hardest. Am I still sad? Totally, there's always a dull ache and I miss her infinitely. But I don't give in to those yucky feelings, because I feel like that's a slippery slope. I choose to be grateful that I had her, because she was amazing! I likened it to standing in a puddle - your feet are wet, it's uncomfortable. You can either step out and wait for your feet to dry or you can just lie down and then all of you will be soaked. I hope your feet dry soon 🙂
I also have two kitties so your story really resonated with me. I'm terrified to lose them, and I cried for you and sweet Nelly. And I think you're smart to wait til you're ready, but never forget that when you do get another pet you're saving a little life and making all of their dreams come true. You're fortunate to be able to do such an amazing thing!
Lauren says
What a beautiful attitude to have for the sadness that comes with losing a pet. It still pains me to think about the final hours of our last cat's life before we let him go in February, but I am grateful for his presence in our lives, despite how short it was, and for the bond with him and memories that will live on.
Andrea says
The loss of a pet is beyond hard and my heart goes out to you. All of my pets (dogs - I'm horribly allergic to kitties) have been rescues and it has brought me some solace to know that I was able to provide such a better life. You can smile knowing you brought as much joy to Nelly's life as she brought to yours 🙂
BG says
Kathy,
What a thoughtful and beautiful tribute to Nelly, and inspiration to those of us with pets, especially older ones. Gratitude and wonderful memories of a life well lived and loved really are the key! Thank you for sharing all this.
And...another animal to whom you can give your love - that is the best, when you are ready. Thinking of you!
SlobberBone says
Have you considered fostering? So many pets in shelters & rescues who would like to be in a home for the holidays instead of a kennel. I was helping out at a photoshoot for our local ASPCA yesterday and they had a 8yo Terrier who was surrendered when his owner went into hospice, so affectionate and confused. We've fostered a couple and helped find them homes with social networking, with your network and skills I'll bet you could find homes pretty quick for these guys...I think Bill Foundation is in your neck of the woods: http://www.billfoundation.org/
Here's a photo of Rocky, the big guy in front, who passed last year and a George Carlin quote on how life is a series of dogs...
http://www.flickr.com/photos/heiney/5810066613/
Anyhoo, love your blog, Happy Holidays...
Allie says
Kathy you are truly remarkable. As remarkable and inspiring and love-filled as you have painted Nelly... No doubt why you chose each other - mirrors of each other. The awareness and gratitude and peace you have gained through the passing weeks is just what every person needs to hear when going through a loss. And I just know that awareness and deep sense of love and gratitude and peace will continue to grow.
And another animal! How fantastic! It sounds like you know just what you're doing and whoever chooses you, dog/kitty/bunny/otherwise will be one lucky angel. Then again, you never know who's rescuing who 🙂
Wishing you all the best of health & happiness,
Allie
Guest says
I so need this post! My sweet pup is only 8 and I hope she has many more years left, but I find myself dreading this all the time. My love for her is just SO BIG that I can't imagine coming out on the other side without her there. So I've bookmarked this to come back to in the (hopefully distant) future when I will need it. In the meantime, may God bless you and keep you and comfort you in your loss.
APPL yLE says
I know how you feel.... It happened to me too.... I loved my cat, but I'll never forget him, and now you know what? When I think about him... he makes me smile 🙂