This is a tribute to my kitty cat Nelly, who died Thursday morning from complications of kitty cancer. Since I have shared her life many times with you all via photos and stories, I want to share her passing with you too. Writing about Nelly's life and death and sharing her with you has helped me through this cancer journey greatly, so from the bottom of my heart, thank you for listening. I know Nelly thanks you too.
Cancer Awareness. And if you are a pet owner, please read or share my page on pet cancer awareness. I also share details about Nelly's cancer journey there.
This post is dedicated to Nelly cat...
2005, I had just come home from a week long Paris trip. This is my favorite photo of Nelly and I:
disclaimer: Yes this is a sad post, devastating really to anyone who has loved a pet. But please know that sharing this experience helps my soul and I hope it helps anyone else's soul that is, will or has ached in the same way. In the end, my husband and I are truly focusing on remembering Nelly's beautiful, wonderful, happy life. She was a kitty filled with love, energy, spirit and quite a personality. I will always remember her in a sunbean, with a big cuddly smily of her fuzzy face. Happy Nelly will be forever with me..
---
Nelly's Last Day. written 11/14/2013
Today is my mom's birthday. It is also the day my kitty Nelly died.
Emergency. As you may know, Nelly had been battling advanced stage cancer for the past few months. Her rare type of cancer was untreatable and so we were doing our very best to make her comfortable and prolong her happiness through her illness.
Cancer is an unpredictable, mysterious roller coaster ride. Especially in cats, who hide illness so well. But on most days, Nelly was as happy as can be. Rolling in her favorite sunbeam, surrounded by many different soft, fluffy blankets and kitty beds, her paws stretched out in the air, purring with ease and tilting her head back for chin rubs when I stroked her fur.
But for the past week I noticed Nelly's spirit getting a bit defeated by the cancer. She wasn't eating much on her own so I had been syringe feeding her four times a day for the past ten days or so. Plus giving her the insulin she needs, since she had diabetes as well. But even with the frustration of illness and life-sucking tumors growing inside her lungs, liver and lymph nodes, she was still our loving, sweet, silly Nelly.
Last night we all went to bed. Nelly crawled onto the giant floor pillow beside our bed and stayed there through the night. At around 2AM I woke up to check her blood sugar since I am always worried about her and couldn't sleep. It was fine. Though for some reason I grabbed two pillows and a blankie and curled up beside her on that soft white floor pillow, stroking her fur and telling her I loved her. I slept with her all night. She liked that. She rolled on my arm and started "playing the piano" (as I call it) by pressing on the soft blankie, her sure sign that she is happy and cozy. She rolled over again and climbed on my legs like she always does and again started purring and pressing her sweet tiny black and white paws into my chest.
I slept with her like that on the floor all night. We were both in bliss.
Then at around 5am I awoke to Nelly scratching around loudly in her potty. She was running around a bit and in a few minutes threw up some acid. She went back to her potty and basically looked quite anxious. I figured she was just having some stomach acid, which was common with her cancer, and went into the kitchen to get something to drink. My husband yelled to me and when I came out Nelly was panting loudly, walking around scared. She crawled into our bed and plopped right on my pillow like she always does when she isn't feeling well. But the panting continued and she soon collapsed on the floor. I was shaking and freaking out. I ran to grab the blood sugar monitor and she was fine, 257 glucose reading. I shouted over and over to my husband, "We have to take her in. We have to take her in. Now!" We threw on clothes and rushed to the car. This nightmare was real and I knew it could only end badly.
We sped to the vet ER, my husband even ran a red light (safely) when I shouted at him to. This was Nelly's life.
On the ride over I pulled Nelly out of her carrier and sat her on my lap. It was excruciating. The pain I was in to see her like this. Gasping for breath. Meowing in fright. Trying to crawl on the floor. I'm not certain, but it seemed like she couldn't see all the sudden. I just kept caving my chest into her fur and telling her it was going to be OK and how much I love her. Of course I was sobbing when I told her all this, but I just couldn't help myself.
We arrived at the ER and they rushed her in the back. We were ushered to a room where we waited and I basically was in shock and freaking out. A mess. Tears, my hair falling on my face, I don't even remember putting on clothes at the house. What was I wearing? Who cares.
The doctor came in with a sad face and introduced herself. The first question out of her mouth, "So Nelly's not doing so well, do you want to euthanize her?"
All along this horrible journey of Nelly's cancer I have been adamant that I would NOT put her to sleep unless she was miserable or having an emergency and in pain. But I never thought that would happen, for some stupid reason. So there are no words to describe the weight I felt when that doctor asked us if we wanted to put Nelly to sleep. My response? I just wanted to see her. If this was the end I just wanted to say goodbye and have her hear that I never left her side.
The doctor lead us in the back room and I saw her frail body sprawled across the table, her stomach suddenly shaved and an IV in her back paw, four vet techs perched over her body. She was wild with fear and still panting for breath. It was my worst nightmare come true. But in some way, Nelly wasn't all there. I have seen her severely upset at the vet before and was able to calm her back down from it, but this was different. Her poor, sweet body was crashing. I ran to her and quickly pressed my face against her neck, my chest against her body and cradled her in my warmth. I whispered over and over into her ear through sobs that I loved her so much and that I was right there with her. But even my assurance didn't fix what was going on.
The doctor rushed us out again and said they would do some quick blood work and be back with us. Her blood work was a mess. The doctor guesses that a blood clot from one of her tumors had traveled to her lungs, stopping her breathing and possibly giving her seizures and even messing with her brain - all quite suddenly in this crisis. And even if they could stabilize her she said that it just didn't look good. We were given two options, attempt to stabalize her frail body and then put her through 2-4 days in the hospital (if she even came out of this with her mind and body in tact) or euthanize her, aka put her out of this misery. End this emergency. The vet said that the chances of her coming out of this well were very slim to none.
I lost it again. Sobbing, I sunk against the wall, onto the vet office floor, my back against the wall. Dammit.
The doctor came back in and said that she didn't think Nelly was going to make it like this. And we went back to be with Nelly again. She was barely responding except from her very lour gasps for air - even on oxygen she couldn't breath. The doctor said Nelly was dying. I didn't want to see her in this pain any more so my husband and I OK'd the euthenasia. Hardest decision I have ever made in my life. Something I practically swore I would NEVER do with Nelly. I pressed my face close to her ear and cried into her soft forehead as she took her last struggling breaths. I'm not even sure she was still "there" at that point which makes me so sad. In a few moments the doctor said Nelly was "gone."
I sobbed on her lifeless body and touched her paws. They were cold. Along the back wall of the emergency room area were hospitalized pets, dozens of cages filled with mostly puppies and dogs, a few cats, all staring on at this sad event. It made me feel better that those sweet animals were there in that room with Nelly when she went. Nelly always hated vets, but she did like meeting the friendly animals that sat in the waiting rooms with her.
There was not much to say after that. I took a lock of Nelly's fur and the vet had us sign our bill, fill out cremation forms and then sent us on our way with their deepest sympathies. I felt so cold.
Without Nelly.
When I climbed in the car I felt my chest crashing into itself like a deep, black hole, pressing deep, swallowing my sad heart. I don't think I have ever cried so hard in my life.
I was scared. I knew the hardest part for me was still ahead. Life without Nelly, a kitty I have had since I was 20 years old, would be unknown territory. I have never been "an adult" without her. I have never blogged without her. I have never been married without her. But just as I did with Nelly's cancer fight, sharks circling in deep dark waters, I knew I had to keep swimming, suck in some air and take a deep breath and just go forward. For Nelly.
---
Nelly Memories.
I adopted Nelly in 2001, right after the September 11th attacks. I was 20. I had just dropped out of Boston University because I hated it there. It was freezing and I missed California. I was back in California, this time down south in Los Angeles, going to Santa Monica College while I applied to transfer schools. Basically I was having my quarter-life crisis a bit early. So one day I stumbled into the Westside Pavillion to get my hair done and there was an pet adoption booth set up from a local shelter. I looked into the cages and saw three tiny kittens. An black kitten and a white kitten on one side, hissing and pawing at another scared little black-and-white tuxedo kitten on the other side. That was Nelly. Then known as "Mittens." She was cowering in the corner, afraid and alone when I asked to hold her. I scooped her up and her tiny claws burrowed into my black long-sleeved shirt. I felt the tiny pricks on my skin. I said hi and tried to pull her off my chest to look into her eyes but she just clung to me so so tightly with all her strength. The adoption lady had to help me pry her claws from my shirt.
"I'll take this one!" I said. Even though my apartment building didn't allow pets. Whoops. Oh well.
I took Nelly home in one of those little "Happy Meal" looking cardboard boxes they give you and she meowed the whole ride back to Westwood.
We have been best friends, soul mates, ever since that day. I have had cats and pets in the past, but this was different. The bond I shared with Nelly is one of the most special experiences in my life. She has taught me so much about love, light, trust, happiness and comfort. I am so grateful and lucky to have had her in my life.
The favorite thing was coming home to Nelly. No matter what kind of crappy day I had or how sad, angry, frustrated, happy, silly or anything I felt, my favorite part of my day was opening the door, dropping my keys and purse and rushing to find Nelly, curled up somewhere, purring happily. I'd bury my face in her silky black and white fur or scoop her up and twirl her around while she gave me kitty kisses by pressing her cheek up against mine. I miss this most of all.
---
Moving Forward.
Right now I'm more depressed and sad than I can imagine. But the things that pull me out of it are 1) my faith that Nelly is sprawled out on the softest cloud ever right now, crunching on all the Greenies kitty treats she wants while she purrs and imagines me stroking her soft fur. Kitty heaven. 2) Nelly hated seeing me sad more than anything in the world. If I was crying or yelling she would prance right up to me and meow right in my face while giving me kisses or trying to climb in my lap. When I was sick in bed for any reason, Nelly would lay beside me nonstop, worried about me. Nelly hated seeing me sad. So for her, I have to get through these tears and find some peace. Nelly is at peace now, so I need to find comfort in that.
But OK, right now I'm still in kicking and screaming mode. Sorry, but grief is not a pretty picture. And love this deep doesn't just leave your daily life without notice. Waking up to an empty kitty bed perched on my desk was a sadness I've never known. Cancer has clawed Nelly out of my life and that makes me so sad.
---
Lessons. Hope. I wrote these passages a few days ago when Nelly was still with me. I think it describes perfectly how I need to remember her and how I need to move forward..
Passage 1: It is beautiful really.
As I lay here stroking Nelly's fur, whispering to her to "get some rest," silent tears streaming down my face, my eyes staring into her half-closed golden-green eyes, her lively tail flopping in the background as she doses off into a purr-filled sleepy dream, all I can think in my messy, scattered, anxiety-ridden mind is one suddenly calming and comforting thought.
It is beautiful really.
This bond.
This magical friendship I have been gifted in this life with this remarkable creature.
Unconditional love. An unspoken understanding. Complete and utter trust. A connection without words or value or hidden motivations.
Just love.
It is so beautiful.
And though the sadness I sit in now, trudging through her cancer, is like a muddy swamp swallowing me whole, covering me in wet, green, murky slime. A thick coating of dread, worry, pain and anger. I have started to see the meaning of it all. The wide view. The point. The gift. And instead of that swampy sadness feeling, I roll over into a warm glow sunbeam that washes away all that pain.
It is my own choice really. Which feelings to wade in while Nelly's cancer runs its course. The swampy sadness or the warm glow of gratitude.
It is not easy to pry myself out of the sludge, but I have to force myself every day. At least for Nelly's sake. I know she hates seeing me sad more than anything. And luckily, the glow is so easy to find when I look into Nelly's still sparkling eyes. Or see her roll in her favorite sunbeam in bliss, head back, perky paws stretched out.
I look over at her, as she lays her head on my pillow, in her "kitty tent" on the bed. The same one I have constructed for her nearly every day for the past few years, out of soft blankies and puffy pillows. She stretches out her silky white paw, her lean black body sinking into the fluffy white comforter and all I can do it stare at her and feel something warm. The cold goes away and I just want to snuggle her soul and tell her over and over how much I love her and how much I am thankful for the unconditional love, sweetness and trust she has shown me in her life.
These furry creatures may just be "pets" or "animals" to some people. But these animals, dogs, cats, birds, all species, know just as much (if not more) about some of life's most important values and lessons. They teach us sometimes blind and hurried humans so much about life. We can learn so much from animals if we just stop and let them teach us.
And that is why I cannot stop telling Nelly I love her in these hard final days, weeks. Who knows how long.
I can't hold back and I achingly tell her these things over and over and over. I whisper, "I love you. I love you. I love you Nelly. I love you so much." I can't stop saying it.
But despite my human need to spill words over and over in her ears, Nelly has no use for words. And that is the magic of our bond. I know I don't even need to say "I love you."
I know deep in my heart that even without words, she already knows.
---
Passage 2: The letting go.
Sometimes when you have no real power, the only choice left is to just let go of the stress and angst and anger and just try to soak in all that is good, happy, sunny, warm and sweet things in this short thing we call life. Let those warm moments cradle you whole and keep them safe in your heart forever.
Those feelings of love and bliss and connection are everlasting. Infinite. Live fully, every happy, sad, silly moment. Feel it. Break through the numbness. Do not let the cold consume you. Let warmth prevail. "Cold" describes cancer perfectly. Everything feels frozen. But love is warm. And sun melts snow.
This is real. This is life. This is death. This is cancer. This is love. Love is all anyone who is dying wants. Needs. Love cannot heal cancer, but it sure does heal a broken spirit.
And love never dies. I believe that.
---
What Helps: Small Steps.
It is now the end of the day. Nelly has been gone for twelve hours, the tears still swamp my eyes nonstop, but here is what has helped..
1) My husband and I started a book of Nelly memories and have been filling it with all the random, silly, sweet, loving things that Nelly would do that we never want to forget. Thinking of these good things helps me remember her true spirit and not the cancer than ended her life.
2) Friends. Family. I only told a handful of people about what happened today. And yes I appreciated the loving offerings to "help" in any way. But the thing that made me feel so incredibly good was knowing that these people who didn't even know Nelly that well, knew how strongly we were bonded, how truly much Nelly meant to me and how heartbroken I must be right now. It makes me so good to know that I communicated to my loved ones how much Nelly changed and strengthened my soul and my spirit.
3) Stuff. All of Nelly's stuff was here when we came home. We decided to clear out as much as we could, keep all her very special things here, and to create a donation box for all the rest - food and supplies. It makes me feel good to know I will be helping cats in need.
4) Cancer awareness. Most of all I am so happy YOU are reading this. THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. I hope you read my page on Nelly's cancer and cancer awareness facts and share them with any pet owners in your life.
And finally, again, to every single person who sent a comment on my blog, facebook, Instagram, twitter or in person, thank you for telling me and Nelly that you were thinking of us and rooting for little Nelly to beat this thing. Your positive wishes mean more to me than you know.
RIP Nelly Patalsky July 2001 - November 14, 2013
Pet owners and animal lovers, please read my page on PET CANCER AWARENESS.
History: My past posts talking about Nelly and our journey
- post 1 - 8/25/2013
- post 2 - 8/28/2013
- post 3 9/1/2013
- post 4 - 9/4/2013
- post 5 - 9/11/2013
- post 6 - 9/27/2013
---
More photos to celebrate Nelly's wonderful life:
Helen says
M
Marly says
Kathy! Thank you for this lovely story. It's not yet 24 hours since we had to put my sweet Coco down because of his cancer. And reading your post was so helpful. I need to feel this pain. I have to go through it. It's like a rite of passage I guess. But knowing there are others who have experienced the same thing and endured the pain and made it thru, well, it helps so much. I cried as I read every word. Nellie was a sweet kitty and I'm so glad you two found each other! Sending you big hugs!
Marly says
Kathy! Thank you for this lovely story. It's not yet 24 hours since we had to put my sweet Coco down because of his cancer. And reading your post was so helpful. I need to feel this pain. I have to go through it. It's like a rite of passage I guess. But knowing there are others who have experienced the same thing and endured the pain and made it thru, well, it helps so much. I cried as I read every word. Nellie was a sweet kitty and I'm so glad you two found each other! Sending you big hugs!
Marcel says
So touching...your cat Nelly looks truly adorable
I cried whilst reading and thats good...I lost my best friend 17,5 years old two weeks ago and reading stories of other cat/ pet friends who deal with the same is helping me to live through my emotions...
The bond with a pet companion can be so deep...indeed full of thrust and love...I knew parting ways would be difficult. But man, this grief is so profound, Im quite bouncing up and down through different stages of grief on a daily basis. I have a job and 2 kids so the responsible train keeps on running and Im coping on that level....though I think about my lost companion in some way almost all through the day; but at night when work is done and kids are off to sleep...there's my time to really let go of the emotions and do some healings on the sad feelings...
Its so unique...these bonds we can get with these magnificient creatures...chrerish them, love them, take care of them and respect them...what you will get back will define you and your life forever.
Marcel says
So touching...your cat Nelly looks truly adorable
I cried whilst reading and thats good...I lost my best friend 17,5 years old two weeks ago and reading stories of other cat/ pet friends who deal with the same is helping me to live through my emotions...
The bond with a pet companion can be so deep...indeed full of thrust and love...I knew parting ways would be difficult. But man, this grief is so profound, Im quite bouncing up and down through different stages of grief on a daily basis. I have a job and 2 kids so the responsible train keeps on running and Im coping on that level....though I think about my lost companion in some way almost all through the day; but at night when work is done and kids are off to sleep...there's my time to really let go of the emotions and do some healings on the sad feelings...
Its so unique...these bonds we can get with these magnificient creatures...chrerish them, love them, take care of them and respect them...what you will get back will define you and your life forever.
Jules says
I discovered your site by searching for some yummy vegan recipes and I unexpectedly found your posts about Nelly. My face is swollen from sobbing, reading your beautifully written and heart-wrenching journey. Your Nelly looks just like our beloved Oreo who we lost just 2 months ago from cancer. 2 months before that we lost our other beloved furry baby, Kit-Kat, so our hearts are aching and we are trying to get used to this new life without our cherished girls. Both of them were 15 1/2 years old and both of them got hit with cancer. We too, had no idea how prevalent cancer in animals is and we too did everything "right" with the best wet food, regular checkups, very healthy home and an incredible amount of love. This new chapter of life without them is a hard one to get used to - it's a roller coaster of emotions. We try to focus on the beautiful, warm memories we have with them but then you miss them so very much and the tears just flow. They took part of our hearts with them but they are also part of us forever and I hope that one day we will be together again. I believe I was meant to find your wonderful site today. Thank-you for saying what we are feeling. With gratitude, Jules
Johanna Pieterman says
I just found your site looking for some comfort with what I am going through right now.... losing my beautiful kitty Blossom to liver cancer. I am not sure how much longer she has and I'm going through the anger, the powerlessness, the intense deep sadness... screams inside my head, not knowing where to turn... And in the end there is nothing I can do but love her, just like you say and what you did with Nelly... just love her. Just make sure she is as comfortable as possible in her own space, with her own people and other feline friends, just being beautiful Blossom. Thank you Kathy, our furry girls will be forever in our hearts.
Kathy Patalsky says
Aw I'm so so so sorry you are going through such a painful experience Johanna. Losing Nelly to cancer still haunts me and that piece of my heart will always be sad yet endlessly grateful at the same time.
I am so glad you found my post and it can bring you a hint of comfort. I am thinking of you and sending loads of love and warmth. Xoxo
Margarita Carretero González says
Beautifully sad post, as it brings together pain and love, oh, so much love, and so much pain. I've been there, the most recent time less than two months ago, so I know exactly how you feel. It's devastating and there are no words to express that pain, as there are no words to express so much love. That's why we struggle so much with words, trying to capture the exact shade of love, of pain. My parter is away this weekend and tonight was the first night sleeping alone without my Princesse. I miss her so much. As if knowing this, Michi has been extra warm, sleeping very, very, very close to me.
Kathy Patalsky says
I'm so sorry for your loss Margarita. All I can say is that the sadness and loss you feel never goes away but as time passes there is a sense of healing. And even better the profound beauty of the relationship you had with your lost kitty will become even more profound and special. I'm glad you have Michi to comfort you. Sending you love.
Margarita Carretero González says
I entirely agree with you. Princesse was not the first animal companion I've lost (she was a dog, by the say; Michi is, indeed, a cat) and, in my experience, time does not really heal, but somehow makes the pain bearable. Three days after losing Princesse, I came home to find Blusqui, one of my budgies, also dead and I felt so numb. I have not only Michi to comfort me, but also Mirra, Mishkin and Minca (cats), Portos and Mani (dogs), and Chuli and Trisqui (budgies), each of them with their own individuality, each of them giving me love, each of them irrepleaceable. My grief is now very, very raw but I know I am very fortunate to share my life with them. Thanks so much for your words. Love to you, too. <3
Rachel Evans says
Wow, this is exactly what I was looking for..... in order for me to find strength while going through my beautiful girl, Lexus's diagnoses of liver cancer. I was wondering what was going to be in store for us and I really do appreciate you telling your story about Nelly. Thank you. *tears*
Erin Holt says
Oh wow, I just ugly cried to this story so hard. Your way with words are beautiful and your story of Nelly is so personable and raw with emotions. I had to stop midway through and go love on my furbaby, Kyna. She is getting up there in age and suffers from IBD (hoping we don't experience lymphoma). What Nelly was to you is what Kyna is to me. I regularly tell my boyfriend "Kyna" will live forever. 😉 I'm sure in a way that statement is true because they will always live in our hearts.
Nelly was so lucky to find a human companion in you and experience a fur-ever home with so much love. Your thoughts on a pet being more than just a pet are so true...they are our fur children. I know this post was written a while back but I still must express my condolences for the loss of your precious Nelly.
Thank you for the courage to share Nelly's story. As therapeutic as it is, I'm sure it still emotionally hurt to write with a love that strong. Cancer is such an ugly and unfair disease in humans and animals.
Here's to Nelly's beautiful life and cancer awareness! Cheers!
Valentina Gordon says
Hi Kathy,
Thank you so much for this post. I actually read it a while ago, back when it was first posted. I remember feeling so sad just thinking about my kitty, Ellie, passing. But, unfortunately, she passed on Sunday. It was very sudden and the feeling of "I didn't have enough time to say good bye" hurts me so deeply. But, I remembered your post this morning, and decided to give it a read.
It makes things just a little bit easier knowing that we share the same pain-- it gives me hope that I will be able to move on.
I have never lived a life without Ellie. I had her for 20 years (I am only 23). The pain is so deep, and it feels like I'm sinking in it. The thought that she is gone from my life is soul wrenching. I am trying to celebrate our long happy life together, but I can't help but mourn her loss. Its hard for me to remember all of the amazing times we've spent together, because her passing is clouding my memory. I hope that one day, I can think about Ellie and be happy, like you do with Nelly.
Thank you, again, for sharing your story.
Best,
Valentina
Kathy Patalsky says
Oh I am so so sorry Valentina. What a beautiful thing to have your sweet Ellie for twenty years - your entire life! That is so beautiful that you two grew up together. I can only imagine how empty and broken you must be feeling right now. It really does take two things to get through this. 1) time. 2) trust. You have to trust that beautiful relationship that you two had an know that your kitty knew how much you loved her. And that love will never die. It will ALWAYS be with you. - I will never stop missing Nelly, but I have come a long way into my life without her. The bottom line is I know that she protected me and wants nothing more than for me to be happy, so being happy is what I embrace. It also really helped to adopt our two new kittens. I will never be able to match my relationship with Nelly because, like you, we grew up together. But I am so happy to be able to give these two silly boy kittens a loving home and happiness. Nelly would be proud. Sending you loads of love and thoughts. Xoxo
Işıl Dağıstanlıoğlu says
Hi Kathy,
I've just found you when I was looking for some information about liver cancer of cats on Google. You and your story about Nelly is very impressive... I'm very very upset cause my 5 years old, dearest cat is living his last days cause of cancer.. I'm so hopeless and tired of wiping, all I wanna do is sitting and watching with him forever...I know , no doubt you understand me well...
But the reason that make me write to you is different than feeling pain. The lesson that we have to learn in our lives.. You explained that tenderly... Sometimes we have to let sth go whether we love so much. Sometimes we had to just look back for those wonderful memories by thanking god that we had a wonderful ability for loving someone or someting deeply....
Thanks for your great words, wonderful story. Altghough I'm weeping now, I know that I would be change my mindset like you.
Thank you wonderful woman. Wish me luck and send me your lovely power for these hard days...
Besties
Işıl Dağıstanlıoğlu
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you for leaving such a heartfelt comment. I am so so sorry to the pain and sadness you are going through right now. I know how hard it is and how much you wish you could make everything BETTER. Just know the love you have for your kitty is very real and your cat knows how much love you have. That bond will never fade I promise. You have to make it through this horrible time and come out the other side, but even when our pets leave us, they are ALWAYS with us and that love never fades. I miss Nelly every day still. I always will. But I am so grateful for the bond and time we shared. The bond we have with our pets is such a special thing to experience in life.
Sorry I am rambling now, but know that I send you and your sweet kitty loads of love and calm. Just focus on the love you share and that can get you through this. Xoxo
Nina Persi says
kathy. i just had to put my sweet 15 year old best friend kitty to sleep yesterday. i remember reading and crying and commenting when you lost nelly and i could't imagine going through it myself. i'm reading through your comments on nelly to help me get though this. i can't stop crying. thank you for sharing your story. i told kitty to find nelly and they could have a cat play date in heaven.
Kathy Patalsky says
Oh Nina I am so so sorry you are going through this. Sending you and your sweet kitty loads of thoughts and love. Saying goodbye to Nelly was the hardest thing I have emotionally ever gone through. I still cry at the drop of a hat thinking about it. I hope you know that you are loved and supported by me and all the other pet lovers out there. What helped me is knowing that I gave Nelly the happiest most loved life and she knew how much I loved her. (See, I can't even write this without feeling weepy). But that love never ever goes away. She is always in my heart. Sending you loads of love. I am so glad these comments help you a little bit.
Nina Persi says
Thank you so much, sweet Kathy, for taking the time to write. You have been a shining light to me in more ways than you know. xoxo
Guest says
I found you yesterday via Instagram and am very happy I
did. I'm looking forward to making many of your recipes, especially the
various cookies.
While exploring your site I came across Nelly's story. To say it broke my heart
doesn't come close. It hit me very hard and I wasn't able to respond until
today. You see I lost my sweet cat Holly to lung cancer June 17, 2014. She was
diagnosed March 5, 2014.
Like you I was stunned and devastated by the diagnosis. Holly was given 2
months at the most. I'm thankful I had her longer because of supplements
I gave her but I knew the chances of changing the prognosis were nil. The
supplements did give her good quality of life to which I'm thankful.
Holly had no symptoms except for an occasional cough and a slight decline in
appetite. She was 14 years old and I thought it was age. When I brought her to
the vet he could not find anything wrong.. Blood work was good, lungs and heart
sounded fine. He decided to take chest x-rays as a last resort. I
knew it wasn't good when I was called into the x-ray room and the vet was
shaking his head as he examined them. Both of Holly's lungs were full of
cancer. The vet himself was very surprised. I too was told to take her
home and love her. Which I did every day I was privileged to have left
with her. I've had other cats die from cancer but this diagnosis
frightened me the most. The image of Holly gasping for air was a constant
fear.. But over the three months she ate less, got weaker and weaker and passed
at home in her favourite chair with the sun shining in on her. I am thankful
she was at home and her passing was peaceful. To this day I struggle with
how an indoor cat with no exposure to second hand smoke, candles or harsh
chemicals could get lung cancer. When I asked the vet he could only offer
that our pets are breathing the same polluted air that we breathe.
I miss my funny Holly every day. She was a white cat with jade green eyes, so
very pretty.
Thank you for sharing Nelly's story.
As difficult as it must have been it is a beautiful tribute to her.
Paula Jo says
On one of her pictures you wrote that she was born in July 2001. Was she a cancerian or a leo? P.S. Doesn't matter if homo sapien or animal, when two creatures "click" it is magic. You are young and have oh-so-many decades left to live, but no doubt you will see Nelly again when you follow her to the other side.
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you for that Paula Jo 🙂 It means so much to me to hear that.
Russell Carr says
Wow, I have 3 cats on 5 acres in Maine. They are all special in their own ways. Your story made me cry. Nelly had a great life with you & I bet you will see her again in heaven. Sometimes my cats frustrate me by waking me at 5 am or wanting to go outside & then back in & then back out.
Nelly was very special for you to write about her that way. Thanks for being with her to the end of her days, thats all she wanted, nothing more. You did it, you were there as she fought the good fight. She didnt give up & neither did you. Your were a great MOm to her. Rusty in Maine
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Rusty. I miss her everyday.
Anna Szymanska says
Oh Kathy, I'm really sorry for your loss... Nelly was such a beautiful kitty ! I cried when I was reading your post... I know what you feel, even more because three weeks ago i lost my kitty too 🙁 My loved Nermal past away... after almost 14 years being with us... It was like the worst nightmare ever... She had a stroke... I took her to emergency, doctors gave her shots, lots of medicines and she was supposed to get better... I spent the whole day with her, waiting for her being better, petting and telling her how much I love her !!! Then she started to feel worse, she had problems with breathing, I knew that she was suffering, I couldn't look at this 🙁 I took her to emergency... doctor said that she is not gonna be better anymore :(, there was no chance for life, she was suffering... they offered euthanasia for her, and I said YES. It was so hard, but I loved her so much, I didn't want her to suffer anymore 🙁 Right know i feel so lonely without her... It's so hard to know that I'm not gonna see her anymore... She was so perfect ! So smart and beautiful! It's so hard... But I know that right now she is somewhere in a good place, she's healthy, playing with other cats, maybe she met your beloved Nelly ! Our lovely friends will always stay in our hearts! FOREVER ! Stay strong ! Love, Ania
disqus_MIQF3SnEFR says
I'm so deeply sorry for your loss. What a beautiful and loved kitty. I cried the entire way through this post as my two 5 year-old kitties slept beside me. Like you, I adopted them when I was venturing out on my own for the first time (at 23) when they were only 7 or 8 weeks old. I've never known being an adult without them, much like you've never known being an adult without Nelly. In that sense, I understand what it's like for your first "children" to be small and furry and how irreplaceable and precious they are. This must be a terribly painful loss. I do hope though that you and your husband find comfort in your cherished memories of Nelly and joy in the lasting impression her life made on yours.
PonderWhy says
Oh Kathy...I've gone through an entire box of tissues sobbing. I knew in my head your Lovely Nelly must be gone by your posts (I've checked daily for word on her) but I just didn't want to accept it in my heart. I read your blog for the first time on my birthday and immediately fell completely in love with Nelly from her Soho Sunbeam picture (you were packing to move at the time). She made me instantly loyal to you and your blog because how could such a magic and wonderful creature not belong to someone equally wonderful. My heart is breaking for you. I've emailed you before and shared about my solid white beauty, Pyewackett, who lived to be nearly 21 years old, encouraging you and hoping that Lovely Nelly would pull through as he did and be with you for more years as he did with me. I only hope it gives you some measure of peace that you were so obviously loved so well and long by such a magnificent soul. Blessings to you and your battered spirit and heart. You will never be without her. She's in every single sunbeam now. Nelly and Pye are together waiting. We'll get there one day. Love and light, Tina
Pamela @ Brooklyn Farm Girl says
Hi Kathy, I don't know you but I came across your post and am sitting here in sobbing tears while thinking about your experience and how much Nelly means to you (and still does today). I can't imagine how horrible it was to see your baby that way, so I am sending you so many virtual hugs. We have a 20 year old cat, Essy Francis, who is me and my husband's life (along with our 3 other furry meowzas). We see her getting older and weaker, so we know the day will come but we're not ready to accept it. Thanks for the support and sharing your stories, it's really beautiful to see your relationship. Again, big hugs.
Katie Follett says
I'm so sorry about Nelly. We had to euthanize our Great Dane Bella a year ago when her arthritis got so bad that she couldn't move without being in pain. I don't know what sucks more - being forced to make that decision, watching your best friend die, or dealing with the aftermath. It gets easier though. The one thing that helped more than anything else was adopting another dog. I still miss Bella. It makes me sad to see our dog laying on Bella's bed, sleeping with her blankies, playing with her toys and remembering Bella doing those things. We still have certain collars and toys that are "Bella's" and that we don't use with our dog. We'll never forget her, but rescuing another dog was a very therapeutic way to honor her memory.
Hopey says
Very sorry for your loss. Your kitty reminds me of one of my mom's cats. They looked exactly the same and I always smiled when you posted pictures. We named my mother's cat after a guy in my mom's high school yearbook. When my dad landed in the hospital, who should be his roommate, but the guy we named mom's cat after! Good memories. Peace.
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Shalula. I am so sorry you lost Ripley.
And yes, I am happy Nelly had such a loving home too! Love back to you both! <3
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Katy! That makes my heart so happy to hear, "beautiful and pure" xo
And yes, MANY recipes to come!
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Courtney. I know she is too. Thank you for the prayers. xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Aw thank you Anne, that is so kind of you to say. I love that you now have a "Bathelemy" in your life and still keep Missy close too. Our hearts are huge and loving so many animals in one lifetime, so deeply, is probably easier than most people would imagine. Nelly's portrait is right beside my bed too. Love right back to you!
Kathy Patalsky says
Aw thank you for the love Kathie. I actually lost my childhood kitty, Grey, on St Patrick's Day when I was in 7th grade. Not sure if I shared that here on my blog. But I have always felt so sad on that holiday because of that - so we can think of each other now and maybe not feel so sad. xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thanks for sharing that Ashley. It is comforting to hear that your new kitty helped you heal. I am constantly struggling with the thought of a "new" kitty. I go back and forth on whether or not I could get another kitten so soon, or if I should just go out on a limb and adopt a dog! Time will tell I guess. I know another animal will enter my life in time. Saving an animal is such a blessing. Thank you for the love xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thanks for reading Kelsy! And thank you for the kind words. Nelly WAS such a sweet girl, I love that readers saw that in her just by photos. And I am SO happy to hear I helped inspire you to go vegan. Awesome. xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Bobbie xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Leigha 🙂
Kathy Patalsky says
Aw Wendy I am so sorry you lost Millie today. My thoughts are with you during this very sad time. Just know that there is (eventual) healing to be felt during this period of loss. Millie will help you heal, I am sure of it. Love that strong doesn't just end when our pets pass, it nurtures us and gives us happiness and strength forever. Our pets want nothing more than for us to be happy when they are here, cuddled beside us. I have no doubt that this continues even when they are gone. When I am lost in tears I just think how sad Nelly was whenever I was crying. Our pets still help us, even through this.
Sorry if that doesn't help. I know nothing feels like it helps right now. It is all a messy rage of misery. I am praying for your heart to heal. Love to you. xo
Kathy Patalsky says
So sorry to bring in the sadness. Don't worry, I do feel myself healing, slowly, and nothing but healthy, happy and yummy vegan recipes in my future here on HHL. Hopefully no more 'sad' for a while. 🙂
ps thanks for checking in on Nelly. xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thanks Tabo, love to your and your kitties xo
Tabo Kishimoto says
I crossed your site looking for a vegan breakfast burrito then read on about Nelly. I cried my butt off as I have kitties myself,(Mochi, Pepper & Kewpie) who I love and adore very, very much. I know the pains of losing a beloved pet/family. Stay Strong! I love your site and the recipes 🙂 Much mahalo and aloha to you Kathy!!
Green Toes Photo says
Well, you got me crying. I've lost my share of kitties, two within a year of each other, and, even though that was 2 and 3 years ago, I just can't bring myself to fully read your post. I stopped by today looking for a pie recipe, and thought "I've got to check in on her cat!" I know I don't know you, but I've used your recipes in the past (been vegan for about 5 months now), and I was so saddened by your Nelly stories. I miss my sweet girl and boy very much, even now. I don't know many encouraging things to say to you, except that it's a wonderful gift to be loved by a pet, and eventually the pain will ease a bit. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope sharing your story is helping a bit. - Kristen
Wendy says
I lost my Millie today; she was put to sleep at home by the vet. I have no words. Your post is beautiful, like Nelly and Millie. Little furry people who have enriched our lives by just being there. My heart is breaking for my furry friend. Thank you Millie for allowing me to be your friend. Love you forever.
Leigha says
I cried reading this, Kathy. This is beautiful. Animals are someone we can turn to when we feel alone. They won't judge you, they love you for who you are. Last year I lost my cat, Jasper, who I have had since I was born. It was the hardest thing in my life. Time, though, will heal you and in the end, I'm much stronger now. <3
Bobbie {the vegan crew} says
What a heartbreaking yet beautiful post. Nelly was so blessed to have you, and you her. Sending much love your way. ::hugs::
Kelsey says
Kathy,
Although never before posting a comment, I have been following your blog for about 2 years now and it was honestly the first thing that made me consider becoming vegan (which was one of the best life decisions I've made). Nelly always looked like such a sweet kitty and I'm so sorry you had to go through this loss. I've lost a number of pets in my life and it never gets easier, especially with one you clearly had such a strong bond with. You'll always have your memories and plenty of pictures to remind you how much she meant to you and what a loving (and lovely) cat she was. Stay strong.
Ashley Hobgood says
Hi Kathy. I have been using your blog for awhile now, I love all your recipes and photos. I finally finished reading this post yesterday. I've been trying to read it for several days now but every time I ended up crying too much!! I lost my childhood kitten last year, and it was definitely the hardest thing I have ever been through. I struggled with the decision to put her to sleep too, so I completely understand where you are coming from there, but I know it was the right decision because now she isn't hurting and neither is your sweet Nelly. I did get a new kitten several months after I lost my sweet Sassy and taking care of the new kitten and creating a new but different bond helped me. I wanted to let you know I will be praying for you to get through this!! And you will, Nelly will always be with you in your heart 🙂
Anne vandromme says
Kathy, dear Kathy, I am crying reading your post and writing to you. I had the same kind of bond with my beloved cat Missy that I lost 7 years ago. He was only 3 years old, and had feline leukemia. Never been so depressed in my life. I can feel your pain and your love. You are such a beautiful and talented person. You were both happy to be in each other's life. You will love another little furry creature, but you will never forget Nelly. I now have a fabulous, funny, bratty Bathelemy in my life, but Missy's portrait faces my bed and he will still be with me. Be strong, and thank you so much for what you do. Lots of love.
Guest says
Kathy, dear Kathy, I am crying ready your post and writing to you. I had the same kind of bond with my beloved cat Missy that I lost 7 years ago. He was only 3 years old, and had feline leukemia. Never been so depressed in my life. I can feel your pain and your love. You are such a beautiful and talented person. You were both happy to be in each other's life. You will love another little furry creature, but you will never forget Nelly. I now have a fabulous, funny, bratty Bathelemy in my life, but Missy's portrait faces my bed and he will still be with me. Be strong, and thank you so much for what you do. Lots of love.
Courtney Merritt says
I cried like a baby reading your post. Kathy I know your sweet angel is waiting for you in heaven. I love my dogs more than anything in the world I can't imagine your pain and loss. Prayers for you and your husband.
Katy Ionis says
I'm so sorry Kathy. Your bond with Nelly was one of the most beautiful and pure I have heard of. Sending all my best wishes your way to stay strong, remember the good times, and keep doing what you love and what connects you to the people that love you - not least of all keep writing and sharing your delicious recipes!
shalula says
I'd never seen your posts of Nelly before, but this still brought me to tears. I can relate, having lost my furball Ripley a couple years ago. I'm just happy Nelly had such a loving home, and was able to bless you with her presence;) Before I get super sappy, I'll wrap it up. Love for you both.
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Allison xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Jordan
Kathy Patalsky says
thank you Laura
Kathy Patalsky says
Thanks Meaghan. So sorry you lost Moses, but glad you have such a positive spirit and outlook. That must be so hard to see so much loss and pain, but I am so thankful for workers like you who are there for our pets when we cannot help them. thank you <3
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you so much Jerilyn, and for reassuring me that is will get easier. Thank you for the love and thoughts xo back to you
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Kristina, Yes she is a happy kitty in kitty cat heaven, I can feel that. A soul as warm and alive as hers could never fade away. Thank you xo
Kathy Patalsky says
So sorry you lost Neo Jennie. Thank you so much for your thoughts. I am so happy to share Nelly with you all. Her beautiful life is what remains. xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Laura
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Peg xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Livomac, I am so so glad my post touched you and helped you. The worst feeling in a time like this is loneliness and isolation. We are all in this together. <3 Love and hugs to you during this time of sadness and healing.
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Suzanne
Kathy Patalsky says
Aw Ash was beautiful. You saved him and that is beautiful. Thank you <3
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you so much xo <3
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you so much Ricki 🙂
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Carie
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you so much Jacq
Kathy Patalsky says
Aw that is such a wonderful story - I am so so sorry you lost your kitten, she sounded very special, but the fact that you rescued another kitty is the wonderful part. So happy you had this happy ending, your kitten sent you a kitty angel to heal your heart and watch over you! Beautiful. xoxo Thank you
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Jayis xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Much love to Grimmie, I am so so sorry you lost him. Thank you for that. She WAS a blessed, happy little kitty cat. 🙂 I am so happy to be reminded of that. It makes me remember that she loved the life I gave her. xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you so much xo
Kathy Patalsky says
We were shocked too when the last X-ray showed her cancer was getting worse after doing SO well for a good month. So upsetting. I am still in shock I think. Thank you for the love. Back to you xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you sweet Gena. I love you so much too. Thank you for being SUCH an amazing friend for me during this sad time.
Kathy Patalsky says
Jennifer, that was beautiful. And that is my wish too. I am praying that I will get another "Paris Photo" moment with Nelly many many years from now. I hope for now Tyler and her are best of friends. It is truly so HUGE in healing to know that others have gone through or are going through the same things. Cancer is so horrible, lonely and sad. But together, we can help each other remeber all the light and love that came before it. Many prayers and hugs to you. xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Abby
Kathy Patalsky says
Aw I am so sorry you lost Eggna! That name is adorable and I'm sure she was too. That makes me so happy that a sweet chicken was so loved. xo to you as well
Kathy Patalsky says
Aw your 16th bday present! That is so freaking sweet. You two must have been so connected. I am so sorry you had to lose her. But this quote is beautiful.. "No happy time that passes ever truly goes away...." thank you for that xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Oh so sorry for your loss of Boris. At least she seemed to pass quite peacefully in a happy, sunny spot. Thank you and much love back to you xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you so much Marielle
Kathy Patalsky says
Beautifully said Erin. Thank you xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Nicole
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you much John 🙂
Kathy Patalsky says
Oh Ann that is so heartbreaking to hear about sweet Phinney. Oh my gosh. So sad. And Apple too. Vet care IS so expensive, something else that is so unfair about pet ownership! I am glad you said that this is the 100% suckiest thing you've had to deal with because I do not know if I can take much more! Thank you for caring, I am thinking of you are your sweet pets who have passed. Your love for them shines so brightly in your words. xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Tiff - love back to you
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you so much Alissa xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Adriana, it is so hard to know what to say. But the truth is, simply saying anything, being present and showing you care is the best thing for someone going through what I am trudging through right now. So thank you for that 🙂
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Karen
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you so much Aimee, I appreciate your prayers and thoughts! Love back to you.
Aimee Brimmer says
<3
Kathy Patalsky says
thank you!
Kathy Patalsky says
Oh Tuca, you are so sweet. I am so sorry you have that fearful sadness in you right now for Blossom. You can only do your very best to care for them, they want so so badly to hang on for us. Many prayers to you and your kitty. And I am so sorry you lost Tabatha so quickly. That is so so unfair. Cancer is so cruel. Love to you. xo
Tuca Santos says
Thank you... what makes life easier without these precious creatures that we love so much is to know that they are in peace now... no suffering... xx
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Julie. I am so happy that your soul is still so close to your golden retriever. Even after 7 years. That makes me happy and hopeful. I do not ever want to feel distant from sweet Nelly. Much love to you. xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you so much Heather. "Nelly will watch over you in ways you can't imagine" <- this thought made me cry. So beautiful. She is indeed my guardian kitty angel. xoxo
Kathy Patalsky says
So sorry for your loss Kathleen. Love and prayers to your family and sweet Lucy. Yay tuxedo kitties! They are indeed out of pain now and that is a hopeful thought. xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Sylvia. " ..there are so many needing homes" <- yes there are. And even though the heartbreak in the end is horrible, all that love does make up for it. In time I know I will adopt again. Much love to your sweet, kitty-loving soul Sylvia!
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Laurie, that is beautiful. And this touched me so much because it is exactly how I feel too.. "in that time we grew even closer and we learned from each other about
love and companionship, what it means to really take care of someone you
love so dearly" hugs right back to you
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Mechelle
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Kristy
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Erika
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Pamela, love back to you. Taco is such a cute name 🙂 xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Terri
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you so much Sarah. Many hugs back to you, I'm so glad my post touched you. xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Adam, I am so sorry for the sad memories, but the pain just reminds us how strong and deep our bonds of love were with our pets. Thank you for reading! <3
Kathy Patalsky says
That was so beautiful Crystal. Thank you so much for sharing that. I am so so sorry you had to go through that pain and sadness. I kept envisioning that same scenario, where if I had to put Nelly to sleep as a last resort, I would do it at home, with my arms around her. Sadly, I didn't get that chance. It devastates me to know she died at her least favorite place ever, the vet hospital. But then I remember all the wonderful things and that sadness fades. I am so glad we can help each other in these sad times. Pet owners are the strongest, most compassionate people and i am so happy so many of them read my blog!
I hope Nelly and Mikey are frolicking in puffy clouds together right now. Many hugs, prayers and love to you. xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Leslie
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Eliza. "It's hard not to worry about the future or think something bad might happen to him because pet illnesses are so unpredictable." <- yes. It is so hard falling in love with a pet only to know in the back of your mind that they will be gone one day. Pet owners are AMAZING, compassionate, loving individuals. <3 back to you
Kathy Patalsky says
She did! 🙂 And she was quite gorgeous 🙂 And yes, that greatly comforts me. Thank you xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Elizabeth xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you for that StellaSmut xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Robin. Much love to you and your sweet bunnies who you lost. I often think about adopting a bunny! I had one when I was a child named "Bun Bun." I loved her so much. Thank you for reading my story! And yes, trying to heal. It is a journey... xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you so much, they ARE "lovely little creatures who never leave us" 🙂 love that. xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you so much A.L. Everything you said makes me feel so hopeful and so happy that i shared my journey. Thank you for praying for Nelly. She truly felt all the love coming her way. Sending much thanks your way, xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you so so much 🙂 To you and your 3 kitties and pup I send hugs of thanks xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Oh Cortney I am so glad you shared that and I am even more glad that my sorrow could divert your thoughts from the pain you are going through. I am so sorry your husband abandoned you. I am sending loads of light, love and healing your way. You are a beautiful person and I am so sorry you are going through this. Thank you for the hug, I send one right back to you. And i hope you come by my blog more often now to soak up some recipes and much compassion. xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you nina, give your sweet kitty a big hug and kiss for me. I am so happy you two have each other. Thank you for the love and peace, I send some right back to you! xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Aw Alej, I am so sorry you lost your dog last year, especially your "childhood dog." That has to be incredibly hard. Such a life transition to go through that. Thank you for the love, I am sending it right back to you!
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Allie. That means so much to me and makes me so happy to hear. I am so glad i shared my story because of feedback like yours. Nelly not on her cushion sunbeam makes me so utterly depressed, but knowing that we are all in this thing together, and we all share such deep feelings of sorrow and happiness with pets - that has helped me so much so far. Thank you for the love, right back to you xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Chelsea, I SO SO agree with what you said. The bond is so unexplainable. But so real. xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you for feeling my pain so deeply. I am so happy that you were so in love with Nelly as a part of my blog 🙂 She made every recipe BETTER! It is so sad. So hard. So impossible. But you guys are helping me. And I finally see some hope at the end of this dark tunnel. thank you xoxo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you 🙂
Kathy Patalsky says
Haha! I totally bolted!!! This California girl was miserable. But I did enjoy that one year of classes. A fun adventure in Boston. It is a beautiful city and I would probably appreciate it much more nowadays.
I know, right? How do I get another kitty when the Nellster was my special girl?! It is so hard. But like all things, including finding Nelly, something will happen for a reason, and I will be thrilled to rescue and fall i love with another sweet animal soul. (Thanks for making me laugh) 🙂 xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Agreed! It amazes me that there are still some people who look at me like I am nuts to love my kitty this much. But other pet owners truly understand, and that is why I am so happy I have so many animal lovers that read my blog. Thank you again. xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you. And thank you for sharing that Gabrielle, I cannot help but feel sad and horrible for having to make that decision, even though my head knows it was the right thing to do. Love right back to you.
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you 🙂
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you, hug right back to you xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Aw thanks Michelle. Your vision of kitty heaven sounds like MY vision of kitty heaven 🙂 I hope all our kitties meet up and can play and nap and roll around together. I'm so sorry you lost your sweet kitties, but I'm so glad you have a strong and wise heart too. xoxo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you so much Melissa, I DID shower her with unconditional love, didn't I? Thank you for reminding me of that 🙂 I hope i do help others by sharing this. I know I am helping myself heal by sharing as well! xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Cara I am so sorry for your pain. It is so real and so hard. And the mourning process is so complicated, and different for everyone. Yesterday I was a MESS. Angry, depressed, sobbing. My first full day back "at work" and alone without Nelly, it was pure misery. I thought I would not be able to do this. But then today I woke up and felt a little better and that tiny speck of hope only gets brighter and brighter as I keep moving. I send you loads of love and prayers, I hope the raw ache fades and just happiness, glowing memories and love remains.
xoxoxoox
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you so much xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Aw that was beautiful. Thank you so much for that. She did latch onto me 🙂 And I knew my life would never be the same. I am indeed so happy to have given her a very happy life. Thank you for the love, back to you xoxo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thanks Vegenista ox
Kathy Patalsky says
🙂 That makes me smile. Thank you so much for the thoughts and prayers. I send them right back to you xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you so much. She did have a pretty awesome life. I am so happy to have given that to her. Thank you for the warm thoughts and love, right back to you! xo
Kathy Patalsky says
So sorry to make you cry Lou. Thank you for your sympathy. Yes Nelly was lucky to have me, and I so so lucky to have found her! 🙂
Kathy Patalsky says
"peace can be found in this simple routine" <-- yes I agree, Getting back to what makes me happy has really helped. It is so easy to wade in my sadness and let misery take over. The challenge is to seek out the happiness and try to keep it with me even though my heart is so sad still. I'm so glad you appreciated my post. It was not easy to write! But also something I felt I had to share. Life. xo hugs back to you
Kathy Patalsky says
Aw Tara that made me smile so big. Nelly pancakes. I love it. Thank you xo Nelly likes that I'm sure of it 🙂
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Anne
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you so much Amanda, wow I am always amazed at how many people are going through or have gone through this same cancer situation. I guess i was just naive and thinking that all my pets would die happy and healthy of "old age" as my previous pets have. This experience did indeed change my opinion of euthanasia. It is so complex and I fully believe that no vet can tell you when is the time, only you and your pet will know. The sad part is that Nelly probably had a good few weeks left if she had not had the terrible emergency. It is hard, but getting through the loss just shows how giant pet owner's hearts are and how truly strong we all are too. Even though sobbing my eyes out made me feel so helpless. In the end our pets just want us to be happy and I think that is what will get me through this. Nelly hated seeing me cry. Sending you tons of love and positive thoughts right back xoxo
Kathy Patalsky says
Oh Lisa I'm so sorry! That sounds like a very rough road, but I am praying that the surgery worked, wouldn't that be a huge blessing if you were able to get rid of it. They always say that if you can do surgery, that is the best option. Either way I am sending you and Dexter tons of love and light. Take care of yourself during this time, your wellness will help Dexter heal. Pets pick up on so much going on in our bodies and minds. xoxo
Lisa C. says
Thank you, I appreciate that! Our story is similar - I rescued Dexter when he was just a few weeks old, right after I moved to CA in 1999. I have never known a life here in CA without him. He has been with me through moves, my marriage, the birth of my child - everything! I pray each day that he has beaten this just so we can have a few more years with him. I cry just thinking about what it will be like when he is gone 🙁 XOXO!
Kathy Patalsky says
Thanks so much Katie. I hope time does help, and i hope my heart heals enough to rescue more animals in the future. The love we have with our pets is so pure and such a gift in love. Sending you love right back! xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Michelle for the positive thoughts, sending love right back to you. 🙂
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you so so much for that Alyse. It was and still is an amazing thing. I am so grateful to have found that little furry girl in my life. I' so glad you appreciated the post, no matter how terrible parts of it were! Real life is all I want to share 🙂 xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you! Thank you for reading it. If I can help educate even a few pet owners about the prevalence of pet cancer, my heart will be so happy. Even though cancer has no cure, early detection may mean more healthy happy days with your pet.
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you so much Kristen. I am happy to share this with you all, this blog is my life, and I love sharing the full spectrum of a happy life, even the sorrow-filled times. xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thanks Julia. That is what helps me too, imagining Nelly pain free and full of love and joy now. Her spirit and body were aching from the cancer in those last few weeks. Thank you so much for the prayers and hugs - sending many back to you.
Kathy Patalsky says
Aw I'm so sorry you had to go through that with your Puppy! So caring of you to rescue another animal. I can't wait until my heart heals enough to save another sweet kitty or dog. Or rabbit or .. who knows 🙂
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you. Very lucky to have found each other!! I couldn't have said it any better. xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thanks LC, I keep picturing her on a puffy white cloud, rolling and purring in endless bliss 🙂 I'm so sorry you lost a pet to cancer too.
LC says
Love and prayers to you both. She is up in the kitty section of heaven. I've lsot a pet to cancer too.
luminousvegans says
I have no words except I am incredibly sorry for your loss. Nelly sounds like she was not only a companion animal, but a great and loving friend. How lucky for you both to have found each other. This is such a lovely tribute to Nelly and a wonderful post for others that have experienced the same loss. May the warm and happy memories with Nelly bring you solace.
Christina says
I am so sorry for your loss! I empathize with you and the pain you feel. It is so difficult to lose a family member and time will definitely help. I had to put my puppy to sleep (only 3 months old) a few years ago and I immediately rescued another to help get past the hurt from my loss.
Julia Ralston says
Kathy,
My heart aches for you. I understand what you are going thru and though this is a very difficult time right now the sadness will subside. I lost both my cats. Stanley, who died Thanksgiving last year, was 16, and Cairo, died January this year, was 17. Cairo, aka Cai-Pie, was my best friend, and I miss my kittys everyday, but I know they are perfect, and healthy and without pain now. Thank you for sharing your wonderful Nelly with us. She will live on and be remembered by so many thru your blog. Sending prayers, thoughts and hugs.
Kristen says
you and your husband are in my thoughts right now - Nelly was so lucky to have you by her side! Thank you for sharing and allowing us to help you through this journey.
Lindsey says
I'm so sorry...may Nelly rest in peace. I am about to read your information about pet cancer for my pups, Scout and Cal...thank you for sharing.
Alyse Benenson says
Kathy, your bond with Nelly is an amazing thing. And it sounds like you already have exactly what you need inside of yourself to get through this. Thank you for sharing your beautiful, terrible, REAL experience. I will keep you in my thoughts.
Michelle (The Fresh Direction) says
I am so sorry for your loss Kathy. I have lost two pets that I loved dearly so I can sympathize with how you're feeling right now. Thank you for sharing your story and I am sending positive thoughts your way!!
Katie @ Produce on Parade says
Oh Kathy, I am so sorry .I was sobbing as I read your story, as I too have a similar one with regards to my rescue dog, Bella. Pets are just an extension of the family and like losing a family member, it's just as hard to lose a pet. Time is the only thing that helped me, but it's still crushing when I think about it. That will never change. Nelly cat is now in a better place and it always helped me to think of what a wonderful my pet, and I am sure Nelly lived 🙂 Sending love!
Lisa C. says
So sorry for your loss! My cat Dexter is also battling cancer (bone cancer) and so I know how hard it is! We just did amputation surgery and now we are in the waiting game to see if that was able to cure it, or if it's metastasized. I am so glad that you are getting the word out on pet cancer awareness! XOXO. Sending hugs your way!
Amanda Maguire says
I am so sorry for your loss, Kathy. Losing a pet is heart-wrenching and your post made me cry right along with you. My family has also lost two cats to cancer in the last couple of years, and has another now that has inoperable squamous cell carcinoma, likely to take her within a month. It's so hard, and as you said, sometimes the best we can do is make sure they're comfortable. In the end, I fully believe euthanasia is the most humane, compassionate choice for animals that are suffering with little to no chance for survival. I'll definitely be reading your post on pet cancer awareness.
Sending lots of positive thoughts your way....Nelly was one very, very loved cat. xo
Anne says
I'm so sorry that you lost your sweet pet and friend.
Tara R says
Kathy, my condolences to you and your husband. It was just a few weeks ago that I was searching for a vegan pancake recipe that I came across your blog and story of Nelly. I have been hoping and praying for a miracle. Even though euthanasia is a decision we never want to be forced to make, keep in mind that you made the ultimate sacrifice for Nelly, by putting her pain and suffering before your own. Nelly is at peace now and smiling down at you. As my tribute to Nelly, I made your pancakes today and they will now be known as my Nelly Pancakes... 🙂 Prayers for peace and comfort to you and your husband as you get through this sad time.
RockMyVeganSocks says
Oh Kathy - I am so so so sorry for your loss. Nothing I can say or do will take away the pain you are feeling (that I know all too well myself). This post is incredibly touching and I know that this is probably the hardest thing you have ever had to go through and I am truly sorry for that. At the same time, I also know you feel so incredibly sad (and probably a little angry) because you loved that little furbaby so very much. She was so lucky to have you! And you to have her. Take a deep breath, the sun will rise and set and peace can be found in this simple routine (it helped me anyway). And know that it is ok to grieve and be sad. *hugs*
Lou says
as tears are streaming down my face, i feel my heart break a little for you. nelly was so lucky to have you and the amazing life you made with her. i am so sorry for your loss.
<3
bookreader says
Kathy, I am sorry for your loss and everything you are dealing with. As a pet owner myself, I completely understand how devastating this is. I found so much strength and inspiration in your post and your words. All the love and memories you had with Nelly definitely outweigh and pain of losing her. It is clear that you gave her an absolutely incredible life, showered her with love and treats, and that you both had an incredible journey together. Sending so much strength and love to you, your husband and Nelly. xo
7iThor says
Oh Kathy...I have you, Nelly, and the rest of your family in my thoughts and prayers. Your post is lovely. It made me cry because I understand how heartbreaking this is for you. Thank you for sharing your journey with all of us. Take extra special care of yourself and remember that Nelly will always be by your side. Soulmates never truly go away; they are ALWAYS in our heart.
Vegenista says
My heart goes out to you <3 may Nelly rest blissfully in peace.
The Tolerant Vegan says
My heart breaks for you, Kathy. I have cried several times since reading your story of Nelly's goodbye. To have a dear loved one torn away from us, especially in a way that is neither the calm or peaceful goodbye that we all hope for, is unimaginably painful and I wish we could all reach through our screens and wrap our arms around you. But just as many here have already said, we know that Nelly was truly blessed to have been able to spend her sweet life with you. You both brought each other so much joy and comfort over the years. I feel that she was meant for you, and you for her, just as she showed you the day she latched onto you and refused to let go. She'll never let go of your heart. She was a beautiful light in your life, and her light will continue to shine through your memories. xoxoxo
Erica says
Nelly was such a lucky girl to have you as her kitty mama. Your posts have been so beautiful and moving. I read this with my beloved pup by my side and cried. The love of animal is one of the greatest things in life. My heart aches for you and your loss of your dear, sweet companion. You have celebrated her life beautifully though and she certainly had to have known she was loved.
Cara says
We too, had to say goodbye to my soul-mate of 18 years on Thursday...a day before my own Mother's birthday. Unfortunately, I understand your pain in a way that's all too real. And to be honest, I couldn't read your post in it's entirety. It's too familiar, too painful and I am trying so hard right now to find some solace in numbness. Some moments I can breathe without crying, other's it's simply not a choice. I am incredibly sorry for your loss.
Holistic_Mel says
I've been following your blog for over a year now. All of your Nelly updates have been incredibly emotional and moving. This post brought me to such tears and from the bottom of my heart I am so sorry for your loss. The way you gave it your all and showered her with such unconditional love is truly so special. She was a lucky little cat to have such an amazing owner. Just remember that, and I wish you nothing but strength to move forward and deal with this absolute unfortunate loss. Thank you for sharing this extremely personal part of your life. I know you are helping others along the way.
Melissa xo
Michelle M. says
I am so sorry for your loss, we had to euthanize our sweet Persian kitty Iris about a year and a half ago and it was one of the hardest things we have ever done. We also lost our sweet Morpheus last year and we were devastated once again. It truly felt as if we lost a member of our family each time. It still brings tears to my eyes when I think about losing them and I was practically sobbing throughout your entire post. I agree with what others have said, eventually you will get through the day without tears but luckily you will always have your memories. I also believe in kitty heaven and believe that my babies are up there together playing, napping, eating treats and looking down on us with kitty smiles on their sweet little faces. The bond between humans and animals is amazing and you can take comfort knowing that you gave Nelly an absolutely amazing life and she knows it xoxo.
What should I eat for breakfas says
I am so sorry, I lost Kicia after 15 years, she was such a big part of my life. Big hug to you!
Guest says
I'm so sorry for your loss Miss Patalsky! It's hard losing a pet. It's like losing a family member. They are your best friends.
I know mere words wont bring back Nelly, but I'm sure her pretty face is looking down at you and your husband with tons of love.
This was a beautiful post, and I really teared up reading it, as everyone else seems to have done too.
Stay strong because we all are here for you and we love you!
Gabrielle says
This is a beautiful post, Kathy, and I know this experience all too well. Euthanasia is the hardest and the most compassionate experience we face in the relationship with our animal friends. I did this with my cat Norma in emergency, six years ago, and only 11 days ago with my 22 year old cat Gladys. The latter was calm and peaceful, at home, but no less traumatic. I take comfort in knowing I did what I could, my best, and that was all I could do. We love animals and they love us in turn, and we give them all we know how. You and Nelly clearly loved each other very much! Thank you for sharing this tribute with us.
With much love, and empathy for your loss,
Gabrielle
Kathie says
Kathy, Words cannot express how sorry I am for your loss! Only other pet lovers who have experienced this heartbreak can truly understand. Eventually you will get through the day without tears, but, thankfully, you will never, ever forget Nelly and the joy she brought you! I'll be thinking of you!
Kathie
Elaine DeBitetto says
What a very special post. I love all the photos of her. Hang in there Kathy, time will heal your broken heart and then...just maybe, another kitty (who could NEVER replace the Nellster) might be in the future. p.s. When I drive by BU tomorrow I will laugh that you were here and bolted from the cold! Ha ha!
ryssiebee says
Kathy, I'm so sorry for your loss. I wept my way through your post. You express so beautifully and thoughtfully the bond between a woman and her beloved animal friend. Thank you for sharing.
E K says
To think that Nelly will no longer be a part of your posts - that is too much to bear. She looks like a sweet, sweet kitty and am so sad to hear that her time upon the earth was too short. When I read the header of this story I felt like I got punched in the stomach. I lost my cat 2.5 months ago, and you're right - your post was sad. I bawled through the whole thing as the familiar feelings came up for me from my cat's passing from a long-term illness and that I wanted so much for Nelly to pull through. Knowing how much it hurts makes me cringe thinking you are going through it too. Thanks for sharing your experience with us. I know you won't mind that Nelly has shared the credit as superstar of this blog.
Chelsea says
Kathy,
I am so sorry for your loss. Your blog is so wonderful because of your compassion for all creatures, and all that you do for them, but my favourite parts were always the small updates or pictures of Nelly. I understand your connection with a special kitty, and I cant imagine what you're going through right now. I wept just reading about it. I don't know about soul mates in humans, but I think you can find your soul mate in an animal. Something unexplainable that just IS. There's no doubt that Nelly felt that bond as well, and it doesn't matter who you are, love like that is the greatest thing you can have.
Allie says
Kathy...
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for sharing the story of your journey with Nelly with us here. It showed tremendous courage & strength in vulnerability to express such raw emotion... showing only the unconditional love and loyalty that formed between you and Nelly during your time together.
Unfortunately, I've bared witness to the passing of my share of soul friends, so I can so deeply empathize with the unspeakable grief & heartache you must be feeling right now. But it has also reminds me of the sweet blessings I've been given through my life from my own animal family...and gave me a renewed sense of gratitude. Just knowing how truly touched I've been by your story, I can only imagine how many countless others feel the same. So thank you for that. Animals are such precious sources of infinite joy, inspiration and unconditional love and we are so incredibly blessed to have them in our lives for as long as they are. Truly.. angels.
My heart goes out to you & your husband), wishing you peace & comfort as you start a journey now... one with Nelly no longer on that cushion in a sun beam (so sweet*), but forever in your hearts and thoughts.
Allie
Alej Lara says
I am so sorry for your loss, I cried so much reading this. I guess I have an idea of how you are currently feeling. I had to put my dog to sleep last year, he'd been *my* dog since I was nine years old. He was with me for twelve years and losing him was too hard. My thoughts are with you. *hugs*
ninacp says
as i have my nearly 14 year old kitty on my lap, i am thinking healing thought for you. i have been reading for years now and was saddened to hear about nelly's battle with cancer. it is obvious how much she was loved and how loving she was in return. i am so so sorry for your loss. please know the journey you have shared has touched many. my own kitty has been my best friend through the years and has been there with me through the toughest of times. wishing you peace, best, nina
LiveWithCompassion says
I just cried reading this. I started following your blog maybe a year and a half ago but to be honest, I haven't been on here in about 6 months. In truth, I havent been on here in 6 months because 6 months ago my husband abandoned me after our anniversary and never looked back. At the beginning of the year, I lost my absolutly beloved guinea pigs to horrible deaths and exactly three weeks apart. Like you, I swore I would never put them down but then I was begging for someone to euthanize them because of the horrible pain they were in. I guess I am telling you this because I have spent my entire day broken-hearted and crying over the loss of my husband and then reading this today just made me really feel for you. Animals are so amazing and they always love you. They are too good for us, really. They are so innocent and beautiful and deserving of wonderful things. I loved seeing your pictures of Nelly. She was a beautiful kitty and the photos of you with her are precious. I am so glad she was able to have a wonderful life with you. I wish I could give you a hug.
Cortney
This Vegan says
I am so sorry to hear about your kitty passing away. She sounds like a lucky girl who led a great life. She looks so sweet in all the photos and reminds me of all the tuxedo cats my family has had over the years. I also just wanted to take this time to tell you how much I appreciate your blog. I have been reading for a couple years now, and yours is always one of my first reads in my rss feed. You do such a great job with your recipes and photos. I always recommend your site to folks looking for vegan recipe ideas. And I also appreciate your voice. It is obvious what a kind & compassionate individual you are, as it comes shining through in your posts. Rest in peace, Miss Nellie, from 3 NC kitties and 1 cat-loving dog.
A.L. says
I have been following (or rather lurking) your blog for about a year now and never took the time to comment on anything, however I have genuinely been praying for Nelly's health and her (and your) happiness in this difficult time. This post devastated me; I'm in tears. I was really, truly expecting a miracle. Nelly is in a better place now. I seriously applaud your strength in this time by celebrating Nelly's life as opposed to moping. I cannot admire your strength enough, especially for writing this post in such a difficult time. Thank you for raising pet cancer awareness. You were a wonderful owner to Nelly and I'm sending much love to you & your husband. Stay strong. xo
The Vegan Cookie Fairy says
Oh, Kathy. I am so, so sorry. Thank you for sharing, it must have been so hard for you to write this post. It brought me to tears. Pets are never just pets; my sister has this door hanger-thingey that reads 'cats leave paw prints on your heart', and it's true. They're lovely little creatures who never leave us. My thoughts go out to you and your husband <3
Robin P says
What a beautiful, heartbreaking post. I'm so sorry for your loss. I could never tell you I know exactly how you feel, but I have a good idea. I lost two of my sweet bunnies this year in quick succession. It was so hard and I'm still grieving for them. You and Nelly had a special bond and you will always have a piece of her in your heart. Remember all that you shared and know that she is once again a healthy kitty. Take your time healing. Thank you for sharing your story.
StellaSmut says
I know this must have been extremely difficult for you to write. I wanted to take a moment and thank you for sharing. A bond like the one between you and Nelly Cat is truly a blessing.
Elizabeth says
Hi Kathy,
As you and Nelly went through this most difficult time, I hope you find some comfort in knowing that your role as Nelly's loving parent and friend, never leaving her side when she needed you the most, is what mattered the most to her. I pray that you get stronger with each passing day.
Olivia Welte says
Kathy, my heart truly goes out to you. I know the pain you're experiencing all to well, this post has me in tears. I hope you can find comfort in that gorgeous Nelly really did had an amazing life full of love and sunlight.
Eliza Collins says
my heart goes out to you, Kathy! I just finished reading and I am literally in tears. I have a cat of my own that looks very much like Nelly. It's hard not to worry about the future or think something bad might happen to him because pet illnesses are so unpredictable. I try my best to focus on all the good days we have together. It is very true, loving something so much and losing them is way more worth it than not having them at all. I'm glad you and Nelly had some great years together and her energy and spirit will always stay with you! <3
Crystal Elston says
Hey Kathy, My heart goes out to you more than you know and more than I can say. I have had to deal with a similar situation this very week on Wednesday. The love of my life, Michael, was almost 18 years old with kidney, pancreas, and bowel disease and not responding to any medications, including epogen to help him make red blood cells. He went from 13 pounds to 6.13 during this past year/half. When I last took him in a week ago an ultrasound revealed a tumor and a sack of fluid that had to manually drained and would fill up again. Cancer had always been a concern and suspicion but never evident on the tests run. Since the outlook was obvious and his suffering obvious as well, I had to choose to help him pass before it got worse. As it was, he had terminal diseases across the board and at 18 and 6 pounds, not any options for extending life. On Wed Nov 13, my beloved of almost 18 years, passed at home in my bed with in-home euthanasia with my arms around him and my kisses on his head and whispers of love in his ear. I prepared his body surrounded by roses and took him myself to a local pet crematory where I sat in the oven room, never to leave the side of his recently departed body. It is completely devastating. I light a candle everyday for him, say a prayer, and adore his pictures. I am moving around to remembering the love and the laughs and have thought about creating a book of Mikey, much like yours with all the fun and loving memories, which after reading your post, am convinced to do. Thank you for sharing this moment in your life as it has touched me, helped me, and I in a way comforted me. My cats are my family and it is one of the most beautiful kinds of love I have ever experienced. My thoughts and best wishes to you and your husband during this time. Rest in peace, Miss Nelly... Maybe you and Mikey can get together and have some spirit fun.
Adam says
so so sorry for your loss.. as I was reading your story, the memories of a very similar situation with my dog Jackson hit me like a brick wall and immediately brought tears to my eyes.. it's been years, but those memories and feelings are always just under the surface.. it's so painful, but it can never take away all of the happiness and joy we experience with them.. thank you for sharing
Sarah Felder bentoriffic says
I woke up this morning to read your blog, and stayed in bed for about 30 minutes sobbing after reading this post. My heart aches for you as does anyone who has lost such a loved pet. What a touching tribute with beautiful photos to remember her. Big hugs from your fan & pet lover, Sarah @Bentoriffic
Terri Jones Cole says
I'm so sorry for your loss. Rest in peace, Nelly Cat.
Pamela says
I'm so sorry for your loss. I cried so hard while reading this both for you and Nelly and remembering my dog Taco who i lost last year to cancer. My heart goes out to you.
Erika Heald says
It's so hard to lose your furry best friend. *hugs*
Kristy says
I am just so sorry, Kathy. This post gave me a good long cry. Being able to connect to an animal, or any being really, is such a blessing. I know there are no words I can say right now to take the grief away but I just wanted to tell you that my heart truly goes out to you. xo
Guest says
Kathy, I am sooo deeply sorry about the passing of your beloved Nelly. I remember a few months ago when you mentioned that she was sick....I cringed. The positive side of this is that Nelly no longer has to feel the pain and burden of the disease she had. And while nothing can replace her, I do pray that the void you are feeling right now will be filled with peace, love and joy from all the great memories that you had with her. Please be encouraged, my heart goes out to you.
Laurie A. says
Kathy, my heart goes out to you and sends you comforting, warm vibes. Like so many others I'm weeping right along with you. I few years ago I had to make this horrible, gut-wrenching decision about my beloved Leo. He was only a few short weeks away from his 20th birthday, he was born under my childhood bed when I was 10 years old and we were constant companions. When he was about 10 he suffered some confusing condition that left him unable to walk for a period of 3 months or so and in that time we grew even closer and we learned from each other about love and companionship, what it means to really take care of someone you love so dearly. Most of the time now, I can think of him without crying and I try to relish all the time we spent together, how happy we were and what a content, sweet life he led. The pain will lessen with time and I am so glad to know you are already cherishing sweet, sun-loving little Nelly's time with you and the wonderful memories you created together. *Hugs*
slywlf says
If this is poorly typed I'm sorry - it's hard to see through the tears. My condolences on losing your dear companion. Having been there myself on more than one occasion I both felt your pain and relived my own. Your moving tribute broke down the wall I had built against the old griefs, but that's OK - it was time to face them and lay them finally to rest. It took my heart quite a while to heal after my first but eventually I rescued another furbaby because I love animals, particularly cats, and there are so many needing homes, and I needed that soft rumble of a purr in my life. The second loss nearly did me in, but again, I survived and eventually brought home two more.
This is not to suggest that you drop your tissues and go right out to adopt again. nor to suggest that any new companion will ever make up for the loss. However, as with people, some day you may well be ready to start a new adventure, a new leg of life's journey, with a new companion. In the meantime know you are surrounded by her love and the sympathy of those of us who understand.
Kathleen Sturgis says
Losing a pet is so hard. I had to put my Lucy (also a black and white tuxedo cat) down last Saturday after a week in the hospital with congestive heart failure. My son and I held her as she went, as I have with all my other furry babies. Nellie is now out of pain and knows that you will always love her and remember her.
Heather McClees says
Kathy, this is one of the absolute most beautiful post you have written. I truly hope you know I'm praying for you, and I promise the sun will rise again. Pets have a way of pulling at our hearts that the human mind can't even imagine until one experiences such.
You truly have so much to be proud of, and remember about sweet Nelly. I know your heart will rise again after this burden, and Nelly will watch over you in ways you can't imagine.
All my best and hope to you! Sending love your way<3
XoXo
Heather McClees
Julie Burge says
Oh Kathy. The sorrow of losing a beloved pet and having to make that final, awful decision is known only to pet lovers. I cry with you and pray that you continue to know hope and grace. There are some pets whose soul is forever bonded with you. The loss of my golden retriever 7 years ago has never left me, and there are still times that his fuzzy warm soul of sunshine visits me, taking my breath away. I try to remember that the greater the love, the deeper the loss. I always say that each pet will be the last, as the pain of their passing rips my heart wide open. It's too much and I'll never go through it again. And then I remember how much they bring to my life. The joy. The love. The purity.You are a beautiful soul, Kathy with much love to give. Nelly cat will always be with you and will love it when you decide to share all you are with another pet who needs you as much as you need them. God Bless and much love to you.
Tuca Santos says
This has brought tears to my eyes. I had gone through a similar experience with my kitty Tabatha... she also died of cancer. Such a nasty one that it was detected a day before she actually died... I had never felt so much pain when she left me and on the months after... I was saved by a grumpy fur ball that I'd adopted when the pain got bearable... now my Blossom is battling kidney failure and I feel the enervating scary feeling of going through the pain again creeping in my heart... your article is beautiful... Nelly is a happy cat right now whenever she is because she had a beautiful life and loving mum. 🙂 Thank you for writing about her!
Autumnseer says
I know the joys and I know the grief and sorrow. A lovely tribute to Nelly. 🙂
Aimee Brimmer says
I'm sitting here crying with you, sweet Kathy. My heart goes out to you and breaks for yours. What a beautiful and loving tribute to your dear baby girl, Nelly. I can feel the love and bond the two of you share. It's such a lovely thing and an incredible blessing. I feel for you. I truly do. I've been where you are many times in my life. Our babies are always with us. Love is everlasting as is that bond. I believe that with my entire being. You were blessed to have each other. You shared love, laughter, and tears, a beautiful thing indeed. Praying for your heart to heal. Praying you find comfort in family and friends who love you and in the memory of Nelly's love and warmth that she always showered upon you. (((hugs)))
Karen says
Oh Kathy, I am so sorry for your loss of your sweet Nelly. We are all feeling your pain and sorrow. Take care.
Adriana Villanueva says
Hi. I don't even know what to say because I know you're grieving but I guess all I can say is I know what you've been through, I've lost some of my babies as well (pets is a term I don't approve) and reading this brought tears into my eyes. I wish you the best, I know you'll always have a big place in your heart for Nelly. If possible, if you feel ready, adopt again. Like I said, I know it's hard to let go but there are thousands of animals waiting for a chance, a home. I am so very sorry for your loss. Be strong.
Alissa Saenz says
This post made my cry my eyes out. I'm so, so sorry that you've lost Nelly! I adore my kitties and both have had some close calls with health during the past few years. I know how painful that was and can't imagine what your loss must feel like. I can tell by reading this and your other posts about Nelly that you were an amazing kitty mom and gave her a wonderful life with lots of love. My heart goes out to you - stay strong!
Tiff Williamson says
I know this pain all to well. I am so sorry for your loss. My heartfelt and sincerest sympathy xx
Ann Wilson says
I am so sorry for your loss! My heart is aching for you. I have been in your shoes twice in the past 7 years and it sucks. 100% the suckiest thing I've had to deal with in my life. Your post brought me to tears thinking of my Phinney (who lived 18 or 19 years) and Apple (who was only 6). Phinney passed away crawling into our bedroom meowing (screaming) for our attention to wake up and say our goodbyes. She was my best friend since I was 7 years old. Apple came down with an organ failure and we didn't have enough money to do treatment. It's so hard.
With all that said, remember the good times you had with her. Look at pictures when she was healthy and full of life. Know that there are tons of people who care about you. If you have other pets, love on them as much as you can.
Sending you hugs from Denver.
John Hartil says
I am so sorry to hear this. She looked so contented in the last picture you had posted. But she had a good life loved as as part of a loving family. The hole you feel will eventually fill and you will always have these lovely memories of the good times. My best wishes, John
Erin says
Beautiful; like many others I was moved to tears. My tribute to Nelly, and to you, was to grab my kitty and cuddle her on my lap while I read this. Usually she's only happy there for a few moments, but today she stayed with me the whole time.
Your journal of Nelly memories is a wonderful way to capture all the little things you never want to forget. My family has a tradition of making holiday ornaments with photos of our pets after they're adopted, which can be hard (good-hard) in the first years after they pass away, but connects the love and gratitude we feel for those companions to a season when we focus on those things.
You're right that grief is not a pretty picture. I went through a heartbreaking and sudden pet loss a few years ago and it took a LONG TIME to get to a place where I could remember the happiness without losing myself in the sorrow and shock of the ending. But it happened.
Nelly's happiness glows out of the pictures you shared, and the one of her stretching in her cat bed gave me a huge grin. How could we not always want more time with them? It could never be enough. Yet, as you capture here, we know how surpassingly lucky we are to receive--and give--this kind of love.
Nicole Marie Edine says
RIP Nelly cat. My aunt and uncle lost one of their kitties similarly and I know how hard it is. Stay strong. Thinking of you.
Marielle Smith says
Dear Kathy, I'm so sorry about your loss. I want to thank you for this post. I haven't read it all, because I'm crying too hard, but I just wanted to say that I am very happy to recognise myself in your love for Nelly. Many people consider my love for my animals absurd, childish and close to crazy, and reading this makes me realise that it is not at all. So thank you for sharing your heart-breaking story, I hope writing it down helped you as much as reading it helped me. When my kitties pass away, I'll definitely return to this post.
I wish you strength. Mariëlle
Sarojini says
This made me cry- I'm so, so sorry for your loss. But what a beautiful life you shared with Nelly- your kindness shines through. I believe in reincarnation, and I'm sure that the soul with whom you connected so deeply and called Nelly is headed somewhere really good. You made me think about my cat Boris, who also died (I suspect) of cancer, aged 14. I was agonising over the euthanasia decision but then one afternoon I retuned from work to find her stretched out in the garden under a tree, as if asleep. You are so right- cats hide their suffering well.
julie says
No happy time that passes ever truly goes away.... I try to remember that. I had to put my 17 year old little girl to sleep two months ago and I am still struggling with it. She was my 16th birthday present and the love of my life. My sympathies for Nelly. <3
Brig603 says
Thank you for sharing your story. I also loss a pet on Thursday. She was a chicken - a runt I named Eggna. She was my pet and I loved her. I had to make the euthanasia decision as well. I'm so sad and so angry that I couldn't save her, but then I saw your instagram photo about gratitude. It helped. I'm so sorry for your loss xo
Abby Heugel says
I'm so, so sorry Kathy. I have been following your blog for years and this journey with Nelly has been both heartwarming and heart wrenching at times. The love and devotion you both showed each other is something that time and space will never be able to touch. May you take comfort in all of your memories, and thank you for sharing your Nelly with us. XO
Jennifer Moretta says
I am sobbing as I read this...I too have lost my best furry kitty companion a few months ago to unfair cancer. Due to his suffering, I also had to do the unthinkable and allow him to be euthanized. It has been the hardest moment of my life. He was only 8 years old and he was the center of my universe. I feel your pain as I relive my own memories. The tears have not stopped...I am SO extremely sorry for your loss. I want you to know that although I am a soaked mess with tears right now...I kept reading because you said the words I have felt & the experiences I have gone through. Although they are heartbreaking, it was almost a comfort to read them from someone else. None of my friends or family members had experienced losing a pet to cancer. No one understood the devastation. I have been living on the memories with Tyler. Honestly, not a day goes by that I don't think of him. I only think of his many good days...not the days when cancer stole his life. I hope the same for you. I hope Tyler and Nelly are having a blast playing piano together in heaven. More than anything I hope someday to be reunited. Bless you on this journey, although we've never met...I am with you.
Gena Hamshaw says
Kathy, thanks for writing this beautiful and heartfelt tribute to Nelly. While I know it's been devastating from start to finish, I hope that at least putting words onto paper (or into keystrokes) has helped you.
Nelly was so incredibly loved, and that was always obvious, long before she was sick and you were writing about her more often. There's no way to make sense of the fact that you lost her too early, but take some solace in knowing that you were as incredible a companion to her as she was to you.
Remember what I said: one day, one hour, one minute at a time. Love you so much.
coconutandberries says
I'm so shocked and sad to hear about Nelly. I was so convinced that she was going to make it- you were so positive and such a devoted carer. I guess it really was her time.
This tribute to her is beautiful and you clearly had many wonderful years together.
Your plan to get through the inevitable grief is very admirable. It's incredibly hard but you've got to keep going, for Nelly.
Thinking of you xx
sigen92 says
This was an absolutely heartrendingly sad post. I'm so, so sad that this was the way Nelly had to go. I've anxiously been reading your posts and have been worried and hoping for Nelly, so this was really difficult to read.
On the other hand, you have such an amazingly strong, steady, and powerful way of both writing and thinking about her passing. Your eloquence, kindness, love - it all shines through in your writing. It made me sob reading this post, which I almost never do when reading anything. Your writing brings it all to life, I can see it before me, which is an amazing testament to any writer.
I sincerely hope that you will be able to carry the memory of Nelly with you, but in a loving, tender way so as not to descend into depression and sadness, which was what I did when my darling dog died. Trust me, our companions would not want to see us deteriorate because of them.
All my love and hope goes out to you and your family!
beachmama says
Oh sweetie . . . I am so very sorry about your loss of Nelly girl . . . you gave her such an amazing life . . . she was blessed. You have beautiful photos of Nelly. She looks like the sister of my guy, Grimmie, who we lost several months ago . . . I could never get a great photo of him . . .
Jayis says
My heart pangs for Nelly and your loss. I have a cat now, and I have lost 3 cats before, I understand what you went through and what you are going through still. Our lives will forever be enriched with the love we share with our beloved animal friends, and you're right. The time of being in love outweighs a hundred years of sadness. The sadness isn't easy, but you still have love to give and to share, and there's going to be a very special and very lucky kitty out there who will find a new home with you someday. May your time of grief be short yet cathartic, and take solace in knowing that Nelly is no longer suffering and will be with you always. Bless your heart.
Megan says
I am so sorry to hear about this Kathy. I couldn't help but cry my eyes out as I read this post. 4 years ago I got a kitten who changed my life in the best ways possible. He was my best friend. I didn't have him for too long but our bond was so strong. He wasn't even 2 when he died from complications in surgery for his bladder. It broke my heart and for so long I felt such an emptiness in me. I now have another cat who is so much like my other one, he does some of the same gestures and has almost the same personality. I truly feel he was sent to me by my kitty in heaven to mend my broken heart. It takes time but it does get better, and I know Nelly will always stay with you in your heart. Lots of love to you and your husband
Jacq says
I am so sorry for your loss. My heart truly aches for you at this time. Nelly was so so lucky to have such a devoted friend and to be loved so profoundly by you. This post brought me to tears because your feelings are just so tangible and I know how tremendous of an impact she has had on your life as I too greatly love (and have lost) cats. Nelly was clearly a very very special kitty and I know she will be with you always. All pets should be so lucky as to be loved by someone even half as much as you love Nelly. Sending you lots of love and healing, you are in my thoughts.
Carie says
I'm so sincerely sorry. Losing a pet is devastating. You can take comfort in knowing you gave her a wonderful life. You'll never forget her, but with time the pain will ease, and someday you'll have a place in your heart for a new furry friend.
Ricki says
She's such a beautiful girl, Kathy, and she was so well loved. I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending big hugs and sympathy.
Vegan Richa says
I am so sorry Kathy. You are in my prayers.
JennieTheVeggie says
Nelly was one lucky kitty to have met such a kind and loving soul as yourself. I lost my cat to lymphoma 15 months ago. He was only 5, but in those 5 years he made everyone fall in love with him. He was the only survivor of his litter, the runt, blind in one eye, FIV positive, and had hind leg ataxia. He couldn't jump because of the ataxia but he never let that stop him. He was given a life expectancy of 2 years, and when he turned 5 we thought he was going to live forever.
Cancer is never easy, especially with cats since they hide it for so long. Just know that it DOES get easier, but never less painful. The tears of grief will one day turn into happiness when you are remembering all the happy memories of sweet Nelly.
My Ash:
http://i.imgur.com/29nGCwU.jpg
Suzanne says
This must be very difficult for you; it seems as though Nelly was very loved. My thoughts are with you, Kathy during this difficult time
Livomac says
Last Thursday I too lost my 12 year old kitty to cancer complications, and the pain is very strong still. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for this post, it is so comforting and healing. I am so sorry for your loss, I know there are no words. But as someone who felt the exact way you did a week ago, it does get better. Thanks again for sharing this, I can only imagine how hard it must have been to write this very touching post. My thoughts and love to you and your hubby at this very difficult time.
Peg says
Tears are streaming down my face. My heart is breaking for you. Kathy, this is such a beautiful moving tribute to Nelly. Thank you for sharing your love, your bond with her, and your loss. May you find healing and peace in the days ahead.
laura martin says
I am so sorry. I am so glad that you had each other and that she will always be a part of your life. Thinking of you.
Jennie says
I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I lost my precious 18-year-old cat Neo to liver cancer in April. While reading your blog I relived our sad last days and the amazing friendship Neo and I shared. Animals touch our souls in magical ways. Thank you for sharing Nelly with us.
Kristina says
Words cannot even express how very sorry I am for your loss. I know how special this bond is, and I feel your heart-aching pain so deeply. Nelly Cat was an absolute blessing and you gave her such a wonderful, happy life! I know she must be having the best time in heaven right now, sleeping in an eternal sunbeam, looking down on you, and trying to tell you that she is perfectly healthy there. Sending you love and healing thoughts. 🙁 <3 <3
Jerilyn says
So sorry to hear, Kathy 🙁 I lost my cat just over a year ago. She was 20; she had been in my life since I was 7. It was and is still so devastating. I completely understand that feeling of not knowing how to live without her. Nothing can or ever will replace her. Just know it will slowly get easier. Remember all the good memories you had with her. Very good idea to keep a lock of hair - I kept a lock of my kitty's as well, and so glad I did. I will often pet it when I'm really missing her, and it feels like she is close. Thinking of you... xoxo.
FoodFeud says
I'm so sorry. She is beautiful, and you made each other very happy.
Meaghan says
My deepest sympothies!!! I've been there...I think you'll find most of your blog readers have been where you are. I work in a veterinary clinic and have for the past 15 years, I experience the pain of people losing their pets weekly. It never gets any easier but the love makes it worth it. I lost my belovedcat Moses last year , the pain is still deep but I can think back and smile at the memories I'm left with. Grief is needed, never apologise for feeling and expressing yourself. Thank you for sharing all those beautiful storiea of Nelly cat, she will be deeply missed but clearly never forgotten. <3
LauraManor says
I am sorry for your loss. What a beautiful relationship you had with Nelly. Blessings!
Jordan says
I'm so sorry for your loss, Kathy. I cannot even imagine what you and your husband are going through. Losing a pet is absolutely heartbreaking, but I know that you gave her an absolutely wonderful life... you were obviously an amazing mama. My thoughts are with you guys 🙁
Allison says
I am so sorry for your loss. You gave Nelly a beautiful life filled with love and happiness.