This post is inspired by a true story. Mine.
Today I am sharing my 10 Ways to Feel Better, When You Feel Like Crap. My fave is number nine....
Feeling Like Crap can mean a rainbow of things. "Crappiness" can be light or heavy. Temporary or chronic. One day or a whole stinking crappy year. Well, these suggestions work for just about any crappy situation. Hooray!
The best part about crappy days? When they get less crappy! You can only go up from a crappy mood, day or year, right? And if you take on your not-so-great situation with eyes wide open, you can come out learning and growing from the challenge you went through.
The past few months for me have been HARD. Like really hard. Crappy, even.
I lost my dad in December and even though he had been slowly declining while battling Alzheimer's the past few years, I was pretty shaken to my core when he finally passed. My dad. The strongest guy I knew, who seemed to keep on going and going like the Energizer Bunny of life's challenges, finally passed away and ended his fight. It was a lot to process. And it still is.
Btw, do people younger than me actually know what the Energizer Bunny is? Just curious.
Anyone who has lost a parent knows how it completely changes your world. In ways you may never have expected. It leaves your mind numb from millions of swirling thoughts, regrets and memories. You feel empty, yet full. Grateful yet broken. I feel rich in happy memories, yet brokenhearted by the conversations I will never have and adventures we will never share.
When Crap Hits You. Sometimes there is a delayed reaction from experiencing a stressful event and feeling it. I was ok in those first few days, cloaked in a shell of adrenaline and funeral flowers. But a few weeks later stress hit me like a pile of snow falling off the limbs of a cartoon tree, to make a snowman of the animated character below. I was "fine," and then I wasn't. Then the dizzying mess of healing from grief began. Emotional and physical. So these past few months I have slowly been working to pull myself out of this crappy situation. So these are a few lessons that have helped me.
Lessons of Crappiness.
When you feel like crap you basically have two choices.
Option number one: Ignore it, numb it, pop an Advil, sip some wine, go on vacation, bury your head in work, submerge yourself in something until the crappy feeling dulls or goes away completely. The only problem with this "turtle shell" approach is that you live in constant fear that the problem or root cause might come back.
Option number two: Fight. Face it head on. Say it out loud. Name it. Feel it. Embrace the bodyache, mindache or heartache and hopefully fix the root cause of the problem -- or at the very least, learn to live with it -- and move forward unafraid.
And side note, ladies, our "crappy days" are always more elaborate because our bodies are so complex, ever-changing and beautiful that when hormones, moods, emotions and circumstances all intertwine - things get beyond complicated in the healing process.
There is one thing I know About Healing. For both men and women, our minds, bodies and souls are all intertwined. If you have an aching heart from losing someone you love, your body will most certainly feel it in a physical sense. If you have a chronic health condition, your mind will start to feel taxed and tired from dealing with it.
And with that said, I truly believe that laughter can help heal your body. Friendships can help heal anxiety. Exercise can help heal depression. Adventures can help heal sadness. And eating well helps heal everything.
So lets go! Lets start feeling less crappy together..
10 Ways to Feel Better, When You Feel Like Crap
1. Show Yourself Compassion.
The thoughts we have in response to stress, and the messages we send ourselves about our situation, are so telling of how we progress (or stagnate) with healing. Positive, compassionate messages are critical to healing.
So even if you feel like crap (for whatever reason) learn to say this to yourself: "This is ok. I am ok. I am good enough."
Or, all you young kids, "I am badass. I am ok. I am a purple unicorn with rainbow hair. I am a mermaid. I am good enough."
Don't let the crappy feelings own you. Instead, kill them with kindness -- for yourself! You are going through a lot, so be nice to yourself. Patient. Loving. Forgiving. Understanding. Accepting. And compassionate.
Give yourself a little mental hug.
"Remember that self-compassion means acknowledging that you’re struggling — and that it’s hard. It means being curious about your anxiety, about what you’re experiencing. It means suspending judgment and remembering that you’re doing the best you can. It means trying to treat yourself like you would a hurt child or a loved one who’s in pain."
- Psych Central tips on practicing self-compassion.
....even better than a hug, a kitty hug.
1.5: Play with your pet(s).
2. Find The Good.
I am well aware that some "crappy situations" do not go away easily. Like a parent dying or having a chronic illness. You might say to yourself, well this awful feeling or situation is never going to end. Well guess what. It won't end, but as time goes on, YOU will change. You will grow. Strengthen. You will adapt to this new life and situation. And in every single day as the sun rises and the planets twirl and the oceans crawl and crash on the shore, there is good to be found.
I have faith that even when things feel dark and sad, we can find good. Even if we laugh through tears. We have to. And if you are finding that challenging, strengthen that skill. The easiest way is to start the Oprah-made-famous Gratitude Journal. Write down a few things each day that make you feel good. And before you know it, instead of focusing on the heartache, you will be focusing on having compassion for yourself and acknowledging the good in your (crappy and good) days.
Another way of honoring gratitude is to show it to others. Write a thank you note or praise someone who does a good job at something and might not always hear about it. If we all shower eachother with 'pats on the back' and thanks, maybe we would all feel a little better on this planet.
"Gratitude is a way for people to appreciate what they have instead of always reaching for something new in the hopes it will make them happier, or thinking they can’t feel satisfied until every physical and material need is met. Gratitude helps people refocus on what they have instead of what they lack. And, although it may feel contrived at first, this mental state grows stronger with use and practice." - In Praise of Gratitude, Harvard Health
3. Find a Good Listener.
The worst thing to feel when you feel like crap is ALONE. Feeling alone is literally the worst. And look, I adore my alone time more than anyone, I am an independent soul at heart, but "alone time" is different that feeling alone.
The way to combat feeling alone is to find someone who will listen to you. Really listen. And this person might not even be your usual go-to BFF. This might be someone who you are not normally close with, but who can relate and make you feel less alone in your situation.
Reach out. Bottling things up inside and never expressing feelings is a sure fire way to let negative, sad or frustrated emotions OWN you. Don't let that happen. YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS.
Seriously, talking to friends and family members who I click with emotionally is the beeeeeeeest feeling ever when I feel like crap. And pay it forward! Don't forget to let your struggling friends know that you can offer an ear if they need one.
"A good listener will listen to the feelings behind your words, and won’t interrupt or judge or criticize you. The best way to find a good listener? Be a good listener yourself. Develop a friendship with someone you can talk to regularly, and then listen and support each other." - HelpGuide on Emotional Health
4. Journaling.
To pivot off of the talking thing. Talk to yourself. Write down your thoughts and perspectives and insights and good and bad days through your journey. I started journaling about two months ago and it has been the best habit I could take on. I love going back over my entries and reading the patterns and growth I have experienced. I have a journal for everyday stuff, a dream journal and one just for art. Yup that's three journals guys.
I also love adding little drawings to my journal entries. It is my way of expressing my day or mood via images and art, rather than just words.
"Journaling (or keeping letters or diaries) is an ancient tradition, one that dates back to at least 10th century Japan. Successful people throughout history have kept journals. Presidents have maintained them for posterity; other famous figures for their own purposes. Oscar Wilde, 19th century playwright, said: “I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train.”" - The Health Benefits of Journaling, Psych Central
5. Art.
And pivoting off of the journal doodles... Art! Art therapy is my jam.
I am a huge advocate for art therapy. I have used art my entire life to comfort my soul when I have had rough patches and struggles. In college, when I was healing from my eating disorder, I ravenously painted and scribbled in my drawing journals. Art took me out of my head and onto the page where things could be beautiful, magical and uplifting.
And "art" can be so many things: music, drawing, photography, videography, acting, knitting, sculpting, even cooking and more! Find a creative outlet that you love and express yourself.
Even adult coloring books! Yup, I have a few of those I found at my local bookstore. Trendy AND wellness-inspiring!..
"Art therapy is also helpful among people dealing with a variety of other conditions, such as depression, dementia, anxiety, and PTSD." - medical daily, Therapeutic Science of Adult Coloring Books
To me, art is like going to a movie. I am in my own happy little world for a few hours and come out feeling transformed.
And guess what, a number of studies show that even placing art in your work or home spaces may help reduce anxiety, depression and improve well-being. So start pinning all over your real life walls!
I had a pretty fun time back in 2006, drawing all The Lunchbox Bunch characters too, the start of my whole blogging adventure.
6. Awe Therapy.
I recently read an article about a form of anxiety called rumination. Rumination is where you obsessively think about something that bothered you or upset you. For example, your boss says something negative to you about your work and you just cannot shake thinking about it and feeling bad about it. Or maybe you had a bad first date with someone and you just can't stop thinking about the experience. Or maybe you are a blogger *raises hand* and someone left a negative comment on your social media and aside from all the GOOD comments, you just cannot stop thinking about that one mean comment. The article I read said this..
"Awe is the opposite of rumination."
Awe. What is awe? Well "awe" can mean focusing outwards on the world, rather than inwards on yourself. So a good example of experiencing "awe" is going on a beautiful hike through the woods - seeing the sunshine sparkle through the trees, hearing the birds and feeling the cool forest mist on your face. Ahhhhh. Right? Awe and Ahhh.
Awe could also be going to a play or visiting a museum or food event or farmer's market. Turn your mind outwards on the world and have wide eyes while taking it all in ... rather than obsessing about these silly things inside our own minds. With awe, you may find your mind calms and your breathe becomes slower and deeper and happier with each inhale. I know I sure do! Beach therapy and getting out in nature is my favorite form of awe.
"Nature, of course, is a frequent awe-generator. “What is the first window into wonder?” asks journalist Richard Louv .. “It’s crawling out to the edge of the grass, listening to the wind and the trees, turning over a rock, and realizing that you’re not alone in the world.” Louv has come to think that the immune-system boost, improved cognitive functioning (such as increased attention span), and other consequences of being in the great outdoors are all elements of this one essential gift of awe: feeling truly alive." - Psychology Today
7. Spa Day
Ok, so this one is really silly and simple. But it works so well for me that it has to be in here. Get a massage. Visit a spa, a steam room, a pool, book a staycation, have a long and lovely bubble bath with sea salts and essential oils -- or just find some way to relax and chill out -- relax your muscles. Sometimes just laying in the sunshine for an afternoon nap can do this!
Relaxing can be physically HARD if your nerves are frazzled enough, but with each "spa day" or "me time" you may find your nerves unraveling and calming a little more and a little more.. Small steps, long term rewards.
"“Massage therapy had immediate beneficial effects on anxiety-related measures.”" - study report
7 ½. Exercise or Meditate
I almost forgot this one. How could I? It feels so good to move! Sweat. Stretch. Walk. Or even breathe deeply and thoughtfully with restorative yoga.
Exercising lightly is my form of morning meditation. I visualize myself on a tropical beach or in another happy place while I breathe, stretch and move. Lately I have been using videos by J Brown. They are super calming and easy. Restorative yoga is the perfect form of meditation for those who have trouble just sitting still. Oh and some places like YogaWorks offer Restorative Yoga classes.
8. Feed Yourself Well
Really good food, healing, superfood-ish, comfort food gets me through a lot of crappy moments. I love being able to break away from everything and just make myself something I know is good for my physical body -- and in turn my emotional and mental self too!
Smoothies are my go-to feel good food.
So here is one smoothie recipe you can try that I just whipped up today..
Calming Coconut Almond Shake
1 cup almond milk
1 Medjool date, pitted
1 tablespoon almond butter
2 tablespoon coconut flakes**
1-2 frozen bananas
½ teaspoon cinnamon
**(If you can find frozen or fresh coconut meat, use that in place of the coconut flakes - about ½ cup)
Superfoods I like to add: reishi mushroom powder, hemp seeds, Brazil nuts, protein powder or a vegan meal replacement powder, maca powder, cacao powder and more. Need smoothie recipes?.. My Book has a few..
9. Laugh
Why did I wait until number nine to share this one when it is my favorite everrrrrr. Laughter heals all. Well, maybe not all, but when you are laughing it sure feels like it heals all!
Nowadays you can find funny stuff online very easily. I love Friends re-runs, funny videos on YouTube and comedians. What makes you laugh? I would love to know in the comments!
“I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it's the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It's probably the most important thing in a person.” ― Audrey Hepburn
“The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter.” ― Mark Twain
And this one for all us GOT fans..
"Laughter is poison to fear.” ― George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones
...so maybe we will see Jon Snow laughing his way through the army of white walkers? Hm.
Two of my fave Friends episodes lately.. the "pivot" couch one and the "spray tan" one with Ross.. (I posted that one at the end of this post!)
9 ½. Use Your Imagination.
Aside from laughing. I think TV and Netflix and books and movies are such beautiful ways to spark our magical little worlds of imagination. Watch a Disney movie or turn on Game of Thrones or Harry Potter or an old 80's or 90's movie you loved. Step outside of reality and into someone else's little world.
I had a very active imagination as a child. And I know it got me through a lot of childhood strife. And even to this day, when I get in crappy-feeling life phases I find myself drawn to books, and stories that inspire magic and love and far off places.
Yesterday I read this quote from J.K Rowling's speech to the class of 2008, Harvard graduates..
"Though I personally will defend bedtime stories to my last gasp, I have learned to value imagination in a much broader sense. Imagination is not only the uniquely human capacity to envision that which is not, and therefore the fount of all invention and innovation; in its arguably most transformative and revelatory capacity, it is the power that enables us to empathize with humans whose experiences we ave never shared." - J.K Rowling, Very Good Lives
10. Be In The Moment
If you need to, just be there. In the crap. 🙂 Lose it. Cry. Be sad. Be mad. Be depressed. Be anxious. Try not to suppress those strong feelings when they come. Just embrace what you are feeling and let it out for a few minutes, then move on.
" “crying is the transformation of distress into something tangible, and that the process itself helps to reduce the feeling of trauma.” - Stress Relief, Why Crying Supports Emotional Wellness
Other tips:
* Meditation with an App or on your own
* Eating every few hours to help keep blood sugar stable
* Get out of your space -- change your scenery
* Go for a walk
* Listen to music
* Sip some chamomile or matcha green tea
* Play with your pet(s)
* Consult with professionals
* Spend time with your person. (Aka, go on a date with your hubs (or wifey) or snuggle on the couch with your bf or gf.)
* Find time. Find time to spend with loved ones.
* Do some good - volunteer, make a bag of donated food or clothes
* Call your mom. No, this is a good one. Moms love to talk and tell you how great you are (usually) so let them!
* Comment on this post! Tell me how you have struggled and I will be a friend to listen! OR you can share with all of us how YOU deal with your crappy days.
Ok, I really hope that this little post spoke to some of you. Please share how you deal with your "crappy" days (or longer!) -- sharing is truly how we can all help eachother get through this thing called life -- together. Hands held. Virtual hugs going strong.
And with that I will leave you with my fave laughter-inducing Friends clip..
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And one more YouTube clip I love, a TED Talk from my friend Sophie's husband Dr Adi Jaffe on shame.. Watch it here!
Bring on the less crappy days!
note: If you feel "like crap" always always consult your doctor first and foremost. There may be an underlying cause that they can help you sort through. Or help you manage your health conditions. We all have them. Let a doctor help you navigate the waters of your health. For me, I have a few things like asthma, Hashimotos and lately some adrenal issues. I have been using the tips above as well as working with doctors to help me move towards feeling better. So please: make time and go say hi to your doctor. Annual physicals are so important -- even when you feel well - because then when you do not feel so great, you can have a point of reference to look at. In some cases, you might want to consult a naturopath too. Be well darlings. xoxo
photos: most of these photos are from my Instagram, follow me!
RockMyVeganSocks says
"Anyone who has lost a parent knows how it completely changes your world."
I triple love this post. I wish it would have been around when I lost my dad. It's been just over 11 years and it's still so hard. I think part of the reason (besides just the obviousness of missing him) is that I tried to push my grief away instead of accepting it. I didn't want to deal with the crappiness. And that didn't work. I'm finally getting to a point where I am being with myself and my grief. And it's TOUGH, but it's working for me.
Thank you so much for writing this, for opening up to us. I appreciate you letting us know that you aren't always feeling stellar - it really adds to the realness of your blog. You are an amazing person & blogger - you totally inspire me and I think you are awesome. I'm sorry you are going through a rough time, but you have come across all of these awesome tools to help you - and you're sharing them with us.
Toni Lee says
Hi Kathy, I have generalized anxiety disorder and everyday is a struggle. Sometimes I can't pinpoint what I'm having anxiety about and that often leads to anxiety about the anxiety. I forget about all of the magical things that you brought up in this post! When it is a particularly anxiety riddled day I spiral into an attack on myself about what I'm doing right and what I'm doing wrong. Just reading this list tonight made me feel calmer and I look forward to using it as a reference. Thank you so much for sharing.
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you so much for sharing that Toni and I love how you called all the things on this list magical 🙂 thank you again for reading and sharing. I love that we are all talking about these things here. We can all help each other so much! Xoxo
Gena Hamshaw says
This is a wonderful post, Kathy, one that I can't wait to share. I think you've summed up some really awesome wellness and self-care strategies. For me, therapy, yoga, journaling, and cooking are the big restorative acts, followed closely by friend time, partner time, reading time, and meditation. I so admire your candor in speaking out about the realities of crapiness, which it us all -- even if we don't always blog about it. Love you, friend! XOXO
Julie Burge says
I love you, Kathy. You are an inspiration to me and this was a beautiful "reach out" post showing that we all get down and have bad times. Thank you for this. I'm so sorry for your loss. I sometimes kick myself as both my parents are still here with me, 20 minutes from my house and I rarely see them. I am grateful I have them here with me. I need to make sure they know it. Take care, Kathy. Prayers for you.
Annaliese says
What a great post. While I have not lost a parent or loved one recently, life still throws other curveballs that you just cannot anticipate. This was a wonderful read, and I will for sure take your advice and tips to heart and mind. Self care today was matcha latte, brewing kombucha and a nice workout. I feel so fortunate to have the ability and luxury to enjoy these things, and life in the many shades it comes in. Thank you! Love you blog, and also your fierce love for matcha (you inspired me to try it!).
Kathy Patalsky says
yes for sure Annaliese!.. life throws us plenty of curveballs, not just what I talked about in my post. These tips can apply to a wide range of things. Both emotionally and physically too! Self care is far too often a "luxury" in our society - that is for sure. I wish it was more of a necessity like getting a good night's sleep and breaking for lunch or coffee. Or in our cases (matcha!) So glad you love it too and thank you so much for reading, commenting and sharing <3
7iThor says
The picture of the cat giving you a kiss on the forehead is precious!
All great points Kathy. Mental issues run in my family so I have had years of experience in dealing with things like depression and anxiety and the points you listed are the things I do to help manage symptoms and move forward. Extreme self care is one of the best ways to feel in control of a situation that seems to throw you out of control. I like to combine points 2 and 4. I started this years ago through a particularly bad bout of depression - I would write in a journal for 5 minutes right before bed all the things I was grateful for. I even included things I didn't have in my life but wanted and just generated as much feelings of appreciation that I could while doing this exercise. You can really start to get on a roll and come up with all sorts of things. The best part is that you go to bed feeling uplifting which gives you a better chance of a good night's sleep and the good effects tend to spill over to the next day.
For the laughter part I really like Sebastian Manisculco. There is a youtube video called "What's wrong with people" that makes me laugh every time.
Also, there is a book called "The Everything Guide to Integrative Pain Management" by Traci Stein. It is specifically written for people with chronic conditions but I found it in the library and I found it was good for managing mental symptoms as well. There are lots of suggestions for setting up your life with all sorts of healing practices and therapies to gain more control of your life.
Thanks for sharing your story with us. I am sorry you are going through such a rough time but I know you will be fine because you have that type of perseverance that will get you through. I appreciate you giving us ways to help our lives feel more balanced and happy. I am now going to go create an End of the Week/Prepare for the Weekend spa plan!
Kathy Patalsky says
I agree, going to bed feeling positive and good is so important! Also 'Extreme self care" should be a new reality show. haha I want to be on THAT show!! Facials and massages back to back and superfood smoothies all day long. Lounge chairs and lazy beach days. No work allowed. I can dream, right? 🙂
I will look up some of the laughter suggestions! Thank you for your comment and for sharing! <3
Tam Elizabeth says
Thank you Kathy, I needed to read this today. I have been suffering in grief myself. I lost my Mom in February. Everything has been a true struggle since. Thank you for the suggestions. Just one day at a time I guess. I am sorry for your loss.
Kathy Patalsky says
I am so sorry you are going through the loss of a parent as well Tam. Thank you for sharing that. It makes me feel comforted to know that people in my online and real life circles are going through or have gone through similar things. Sending you lots of love and a big warm hug. I hope you can find some time to do something healing for yourself today or this weekend. xoxo
Michael Brant says
Sending you a big e-hug! Yes, it's a big deal losing a parent. Life is never the same afterwards. Hits us all. But you do live through it. And sending you gratitude for your wonderful website! Your photos are stunning, the recipes yummy, and your writing lively. I hope sunny days await you. 8)
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you for that Michael! Much appreciated.
Artistic Vegan says
What a beautiful and uplifting post! I was having a crappy day and this really helped, I took your advice and did a gratitude journal, first acknowledging how I felt and then being grateful for all the truly wonderful blessings in my life instantly shifting my focus. I'm so sorry for your loss, I've not gone through that and can only imagine how hard it is. Thank you from my heart and soul for sharing what you go through and these tips, we all go through crap and sometimes it is worse than others, and anything to bring light back into our lives is a gift. I think it is beautiful how open you are, I have a blog too and used to be more open but have a hard time walking that line of do I just focus on food, or can I really get real on you all. I love how real you are. Thanks for being an inspirational vegan and woman role model for the world! You are a beautiful person inside and out! <3 Hugs!
Kathy Patalsky says
I am sorry you were having a crappy day but I am so glad that my post helped a bit! And thank you so so much for your kind words about my place as a blogger. I struggle daily with wondering how much of my personal life I should share on my blog. But the bottom line is that for me, part of healing is about being open and sharing and hopefully touching other people's lives who are struggling. If I hold it all in it starts to own me and my thoughts and I start to actually feel more alone myself! So I am so grateful to all of YOU guys for joining in this conversation so that we can be there for each other. When I first started blogging almost ten years ago I was very fearful about talking about my REAL life, struggles, challenges, feelings. But I am so proud of myself for being in a place where it feels good to share and be completely open. Anyways, rambling now! Thank you for saying all that. Sending you a huge hug of thanks <3
Heather McClees says
So glad to see this and happy you are now comfortable sharing things now. That's a sign of healong! I have been praying for you every single day. Smoothies, blankets, hot tea, soup, sleeping more, daily walks, yoga, and prayer are my go-to self-care things. Journaling and talks with mom also help. Long showers are the best. Good cries out in nature on a walk. Honoring my dad and others I have lost through thinking of memories. Encouraging someone else who is struggling. Blogging. Baking. Reading. I have an arsenal of wellness and self-care things at this point! I know you will come out so strong on the other side, and I also know our dads are laughing and smiling together up above as they watch over us. All my hugs and love!!!!! 💗😘🌷
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Heather! You have been such a little angel in my journey. I am so glad we connected - and I am so grateful for your advice and guidance through some of my wellness and grief challenges. You have gone through so much and I am so HAPPY and GRATEFUL to have connected with people like you, new lifelong friends, all from the blogging community. And I can't wait to hang out next week in Florida!!!! xoxox <3
Heather McClees says
And you have no idea how HAPPY and GRATEFUL I am to have come across you, my dear! Your words and blog inspired me on darker days that I never want to be in again. You're the angel, and it will be such an honor to meet you! I believe in you and know you will get past this. Remember, this too shall pass. Our mess can be our best message, if we let it be. Let's have some fun in FL, can't wait!!!! xoxoxo
Aimee Brimmer says
I'm sorry you've been struggling. Loss is so incredibly difficult. I find that my grief comes in waves like the ocean. It ebbs and flows. Some days are like a gentle tide, while others leave me feeling like I've been consumed by a tidal wave. I've had to learn to walk through my pain, which isn't always easy, but it's the only way to get to the other side. Learning to lean on others and be gentle with myself has also helped me. I have learned that there is always something to be thankful for and I have been posting one thing per day since January 1st to help keep me focused on my blessings. I truly love the list you put together. Hope you know what a beautiful bright light you are in this world. Wish I could hug you in person, but I'm sending lots of extra love your way. <3
Kathy Patalsky says
thank you so much for that beautiful comment Aimee. I am so sorry for the grief you are going through. I know so many people are struggling with losses in their lives. It is so wonderful when we feel free to talk about it online. I am in such awe of a few friends, family members and friends online who are going through struggles so challenging and life-changing. Thank you so much for sharing and for reading my post. Sending you so much love and a big hug.
Aimee Brimmer says
Thank YOU! (((hugs)))
Frederique says
Laughter is amazing. My fiancé says he loves me for a million reasons, but that he is marrying me because I can laugh at myself. We can argue, both realize it's completely ridiculous, blow raspberries at each other and end the fight in a tickle fight or throwing pillows at each other. It's EASY to hold a grudge, pout, ruminate - it's much harder to stop for a minute and realize life is much more than who's fault it was for this or who's turn it was to do dishes. I am going through a depression myself, and when i have, many a times, curled up in a ball crying my eyes out for no reason, my fiancé was there to hold me while I cried but then cheer me up by making me laugh to fill the "void". Because loosing someone, having a depression or just having a bad day, creates a hole inside that we too often fill with insignificant things such as too much ice cream or a day out buying "stuff". You are right Kathy, embrace your pain, and then fill the void with art, nature and laughter.
Kathy Patalsky says
"My fiancé says he loves me for a million reasons, but that he is marrying me because I can laugh at myself. " That is sooooooooo beautiful that he brought those thoughts into words! Aw such a sweet heart he must have. I love that.
And thank you so much for sharing, I so appreciate each and every one of you who has read this post and commented. It means so much to me!
And I love this that you said too.. "embrace your pain, and then fill the void with art, nature and laughter." YES! Life is not just happy. It is about the contrast between dark and light. I think embracing the dark and sad times helps you fully realize and appreciate the light, love and happy. <3
Frederique says
<3 life is black, white and all the grey in between 🙂 Embracing the dark and sad times helps you realize and appreciate the good ones indeed, and be grateful for them! My dear fiancé says our life is like a "line of time" and that everytime we are buried in grief and pain, that we should take a step back, examine the entire "picture" and realize that the NOW is simply a dimple in the greater picture that is our life and our relationship. It's kind of like the stock market... it will crash, but in the long run, the charts have lines that always go back up! Haha! 🙂
Ana says
This is such a wonderful list! Laughter is one of my favourites and probably the easiest one (I just watched the Friends tan video you posted, for the umpteenth time, and still literally laughed out loud....and now I feel better than I have all day!! That show has honestly been "my saving grace" more times than I can count). What I usually do is, instead of trying to find ways to make myself feel better (which often has me feeling worse since, in that moment, it feels like nothing would make it better) is try to occupy my mind either with a good book, a funny sitcom (Friends is still my first choice after all these years), or anything else that gets ALL my attention, so that I don't get a chance to overthink or obssess over the reason that is causing my bad feelings. I find that most problems seem much easier to handle when I come back to them after a break, with a fresh perspective.
I've also dabbled in art lately, and I'm really trying to get into journalling too, but I'll have to bookmark this entire list to come back to over and over, because just reading through it made me feel better.
Kathy Patalsky says
"I find that most problems seem much easier to handle when I come back to them after a break, with a fresh perspective." I love that!! So true! It is so funny how for me, some worries I have before bed seem to just disappear after a good night's sleep too.
Oh and isn't Friends just the best! My husband has NEVER WATCHED IT (crazy!) ... (I mean like back to back as a series, he has seen a few here and there obviously) he was more a Seinfeld guy. So it is SO fun being able to re-watch episodes that are 'classics' to me that he has never seen. We just watched the "WE WERE ON A BREAK" episode last night and he was so enthralled. love.
DJ Harper says
Love, love, love this! Thank you Kathy!
Kathy Patalsky says
thank you, so glad you liked it!
Abby Mason says
Beautiful! Love this 🙂
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Abby!
SarahKG says
Thank you so much for this post Kathy - couldn't have come at a better time. My partner struggles with mental health and it can be all-encompassing at times. It's good to be reminded of the things I can do to support myself when things are tough.
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Sarah! I am so glad this was helpful for you. Sending you lots of love! Mental health is so important and something our society still has so many ridiculous stigmas with. And guess what, May is mental health awareness month!
Vegan Richa says
This list is incredible! I have been trying to incorporate many similar things this year. Its so hard being compassionate to myself. Stepping away from things, appreciating each day for whatever I can do that day. These tips are going to be very helpful. Hope you are doing well Kathy.
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Richa! <3 Being compassionate is the hardest part for sure! It is something we have to keep doing over and over since our brains and society usually have a way of doing the exact opposite of self-compassion.
mclanek says
So much wisdom in this post. Thanks for sharing.
Kathy Patalsky says
thank you! It takes me a reaaaaaaally long time to put a post like this together because I have so much I want to say, but I also hoped to not overload you guys as readers.
I am so thankful to each and every one of YOU who has read and commented! Thank YOU! <3
Claire Elizabeth says
Thank you Kathy. I'm a very deep and spiritual person, and I often find myself mourning over others, mourning in shameful distraught, and more. These tips are helpful to help lift the weight of the linger. The linger kills. If we will all be more in touch with the way we're wired, we will discover grey strength. Blessings! xoxo ~Claire Elizabeth
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you for those lovely words Claire. I am a very sensitive person too. It is challenging to be "thin skinned" sometimes, but I believe there is great beauty in it too!
Ashley says
I cannot begin to tell you how much I love this list. For the past few months, I have been on a bit of a journey to finally deal with my mental health issues and learn to be good to myself again. I have used all of the tools you listed, and I can say that they really do make a HUGE difference! I love that your underlying message is self-compassion, and I appreciated reading this to get another small reminder today <3
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you so much for sharing that Ashley. And I'm so glad you agree with my suggestions and use them. Every little bit helps. Self compassion is so important, yet as someone just tweeted me "the easiest one but the most challenging too!" Sending you lots of love on your continued journey.