One blog post at a time, as my dear friend Gena advised me. Today I am happy to share a recipe that I've had in my drafts folder for a few weeks - since I'm still not up to cooking and photoshooting new recipes. (RE: this post) Good thing I have plenty recipes all ready to go from all the kitchen time I've enjoyed this summer.
This Vegan Strawberry-Peach Pie is simply delightful and each bite is bursting with the sunny sweet flavors of a warm, long summer with ripe fruit, golden sun and blue sky days. This is the perfect end-of-summer pie celebration recipe. Add a dollop of cool, creamy homemade coconut whip on top and dive into fresh fruit, buttery pie crust, creamy coconut bliss.
Nelly. Plus ahead, I give you a nice long update on Nellycat, me and what I've learned about life, love, healing and figuring out how to tread water, and stay afloat through some very rocky waves..
(Don't worry I didn't forget the recipe .. recipe below, after my Nelly update)
Sunday Morning. 4am. Dark blue light out my window. Deep I slumber I suddenly open my eyes as a perky little face comes into view. Nelly climbed on top of me and stuck her fuzzy little face to my cheek, her tender paws clutching my chest in an excited, loving grip. Her eagerness to obtain some snuggles from my hands and face and wake me from my slumber was apparent. So I happily darted out of bed with her, somehow not feeling tired at all - just excited to see her, and with happy high tones in my voice thanked her for waking me up to play.
It is now 7:30AM and we have been playing, snuggling and loving on each other all early morning. This has become a routine the past few days. One that I cherish and couldn't be more thrilled about. Yes Nelly please wake me at any hour, I'm just in love with you as you are with me, and that is something magical.
Updates. If you've been checking in with me, you know I've had some hideous news the past week. Nelly has cancer. I found out just one week ago - but it feels like weeks, months, lightyears ago. It is amazing how your life can literally be turned upside down in just a week. Just a moment even.
Last Wednesday I wrote a very sad, very long, very detailed blogpost draft when I was in a very dark and depressed state from this mess. I had literally not stopped crying for five days - since the first news last Saturday that something serious may be wrong. My eyes were constantly red and I spent all day huddled over Nelly in my bed, sobbing to her and fervently researching cures for kitty cancer.
This morning, I re-read parts of that post and I am really glad I never hit the publish button. Because even though I still fight every second to not break into those same gut-wrenching tears as I clutch my chest and roll into a ball feeling like someone pulled my heart out of my chest, I have (for now) chosen to leave that dark space of sorrow. And I learned some very important lessons this week...
1. Joy Heals. The day I was at my lowest point, crying and sobbing uncontrollably right in front of Nelly I noticed she was at her lowest point too. She kept coming right up to my face and letting out low sad meows. Again and again. Her resting looking more like "giving up" as her head sunk lifelessly into my pillow. From her posture and sad meows, I thought she was in pain. Which made me sob even more. Then Thursday came, and I decided to just TRY something new. I downloaded some "healing" Reiki music on my iPad and started "love sessions" with Nelly where I just held her, smiled lovingly with bright eyes and stroked her as she calmly soaked in a sunbeam on my pillow. Look even though I love alternative therapies, I have never believed in all that "energy healing" stuff, but wow I could feel a change in her energy and mine ever since that session. The loving, joyful energy keeps her feeling good.
I keep thinking about hat Robin Williams movie "Patch Adams" and the true stories of cancer patients who improved via things like love and laughter. It makes so much sense to me now. They say cancer is something you have to FIGHT. I get that now. It is a physical fight, but also an emotional one.
So from that day forward I have tried my very best to be nothing but joyful and happy and loving in her presence. (It is HARD.) Because to have her brave, sweet, generous soul in my life - each moment is truly a miracle and blessing. In my smoothie book I thank Nelly in the acknowledgements. I said that even though I rescued her from a shelter twelve years ago, she was the one who saved me. She did. Her love and constant companionship has healed so much in my life. She has saved me from so much uncertainty and loneliness. Because with her to snuggle, everything was always OK. So right now, I know the best thing I can do for her is love her with all my heart - and literally not leave her side.
I have not left her side all week. .. well except last night when I had a sudden stomach virus and had to rush to critical care! I was moaning on the floor in pain and little Nelly kept coming up to me and sitting as close to my chest as possible to make sure I was fine. I feel better today thank goodness.
2. Intuition. The second lesson I have learned from all this is that I know Nelly better than anyone and "motherly" instincts do exist even in animal human relationships. When we first rushed Nelly into the Vet Cancer Center last Monday, they wanted to put a feeding tube in her ASAP. I said no. I knew it would stress her out immensely and I am with her all day encouraging small meals all day long. And I was right. She eats. It is a lot of work since the cancer affects her appetite, but together we get nibbles in and sometimes she chows down all on her own.
I also knew from the very beginning that this was not going to be a "chemotherapy" cured cancer. I was right. Nelly, I'm told by doctors in blue scrubs, has an aggressive and rare form of hepatic carcinoma. She had a long day at the vet Friday for a CT scan. The scan showed that the cancer tumor is wrapped around her gull bladder and even though the other side of her liver functions fine, surgery is not an option. Which SUCKS. And also the cancer has appeared to have spread to her lymph nodes and possibly lungs. Which sucks even more. If chemo would help her I'd do it. But in cats it doesn't provide a cure, but just prolongs the illness. And for a vet-anxious kitty like Nelly, it may make things worse. And actually, for liver cancer, chemo does not prove to be effective. So we are out of traditional treatment options. We have an appointment Tuesday with a holistic vet. But again, my instinct about "no chemo" was right. Moving forward I know it will be my instincts that make all the best decisions for her.
3. Darkest Before the Dawn. Moving ahead I know this experience of losing Nelly will be one of the hardest things I ever go through in life. I have no doubt in that. Some of you may not understand that or even believe me, but it is true. Luckily, some of my friends and blog readers have written me and said that when they went through similar events it was the hardest thing ever. For those sweet messages I feel less alone, so thank you. I still don't know how I will come out of this with joy. Nelly rents out a huge space in my heart and without her, a giant hole will be left.
But maybe. Just maybe, I hope, I can not feel a hole, but rather a light. I light that fills me forever from the sweet presence of this innocent creature's life that has touched me so profoundly for so many years. This sweet spirit that has been by my side through so much and shown me the powerful love that animals have inside them. Maybe that sudden hole in my chest, can be filled with light. I hope.
Some good news! The doctor (Dr Branten is amazing at the critical care center in Culver City FYI - she did the CT scan) - she said that the tumor right now does not cause any pain. So Nelly is not in pain, but just a bit tired from the stress on her immune system and such. But to me she acts so perky and happy right now. I know it will get worse, but right now is good.
Honestly if we had not taken her in for a routine checkup for her diabetes, I would have not clue she was even sick. But the liver blood work came back abnormal, so the ball went rolling to investigate all this.
ANYWAYS!
I'm feeling good today because today Nelly feels good. Her little head is resting on my legs right now and cuddling my bathrobe on a fuzzy blue chair. I keep praying for a miracle and in my pathetically optimistic mind I keep thinking she will be that rare cancer case where the doctors all crowd around, scratch their heads and tap their clipboards in utter amazement that Nelly is suddenly cured. Even though the doctor yesterday told us over the phone, "she has about 2-3 months" - in which I started sobbing uncontrollably again, I still have this pathetic feeling she will get well. Hope you say a prayer or send healing vibes Nelly's way to make a miracle happen. (Yup, pathetic optimist here. It will probably break my heart in the end, but I think it helps me survive this horrible situation for now.)
So for BLOGGING. I still haven't cooked yet. I warmed some Amy's chick'n noodle soup and toast with Earth Balance last night, but that was about it. I have been texting Gena (choosingraw.com) a lot because she is such an amazing friend and gives such honest and experienced advice. I told her I don't know how I can blog without little Nelly sitting on my desk, running around in the background, crunching up greenies at breakfast. Gena took some classic advice and made it for me..
"Take it one blog post at a time."
Genius. OK, I will try that.
And I think Nelly likes things seeming normal around here, so me on my laptop while she rests seems OK to do.
And Finally.... Strawberry-Peach Pie. This pie recipe is one I whipped up a few weeks ago and adored. Sorry I'm just now posting it, but happy things like baking pies, strawberries and peaches and coconut whip all remind me of Nelly and happy days. So I think Nelly will like this recipe too...
Vegan Strawberry-Peach Pie
vegan, makes one pie
1 vegan pie crust - recipe here (make gluten free by subbing gf flour)
Ingredients - Pie Crust:
2 cups flour, any variety - see notes
½ teaspoon baking powder
1 tablespoon sugar
1 cup vegan butter, cubed
⅓ cup soy milk
⅓ cup water
extra flour for dusting/pressing out
Pie Filling:
1 large peach, sliced (I leave skin on)
2 cups organic strawberries, washed/stems removed, sliced
¼ cup raw vegan sugar (Add a few tablespoon more for a sweeter filling)
1 tablespoon vegan buttery spread, melted (Earth Balance) - or substitute coconut oil (optional)
2 tablespoon lemon juice + pinch of zest
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3 tablespoon arrowroot powder
⅛ teaspoon salt
add slight spiciness:
½ teaspoon fresh grated ginger (optional)
dash of cayenne (optional)
Coconut Whip Topping - full recipe here, plus inspiration + recipe here and here
Ingredients:
Chilled can of full fat coconut milk (use the coconut cream, firm white stuff)
confectioners sugar
vanilla bean or extract (optional)
notes:
* crust - use white flour for most traditional flaky texture results. I used sprouted grain spelt for a more rustic texture.
* If you do not have arrowroot you can substitute with cornstarch. If in a bind, you can sub with flour.
* Add sweetener to taste, my pie was moderately sweet, which I like. Also take into consideration how ripe and sweet your fruit is!
Directions:
1. For the pie crust, follow instructions in this post. Contains a how-to video.
2. Fold all fruit filling ingredients together in a big bowl.
3. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Roll out dough and lay in bottom layer of crust, into greased glass pie dish. I pre-bake the bottom layer of my crust for about ten minutes in the hot oven, then remove from oven to cool and crisp up a bit. Fill warm pie crust with fruit filling. Roll out top layers of crust and lay any way you'd like on top.
4. Bake pie for 15 minutes at 400 degrees. Then reduce heat to 350 and bake for another half hour or until crust edges begin to bronze.
5. Cool pie for a few hours before serving.
6. Coconut whip can be prepped while pie is cooking and stored in the fridge until needed.
Before baking:
RockMyVeganSocks says
Oh dear... I am so very sorry to hear about your kitty. I can only imagine how difficult it is for you right now. It sounds like she is very loved. *hugs*
Marcia says
My wonderful husband had never been around cats because of his allergies. I, on the other hand, had been fortunate to have them in my life, all my life. After an entire year without, I expressed my need for a cat. We found the perfect baby (a little boy who was a combination of the biggest lover and an #s^*ole). My heart soared and it was nonstop smiles from then on!
A few weeks later, Stephen said: "I didn't realize it took a cat to make you whole." His statement was so true and it made me feel happy that he realized it without me having to say a thing! That was 33 years ago and finally about 11 years ago, he became a convert. It does my heart good to hear him talk to Toy (makes me smile...is the same man I married so long ago who didn't like cats???!!!), love him and play with him. Sigh.
Nellie is one lucky lady to have you for a Mother. Think of all the stories she will share when she goes to kitty heaven! Perhaps she will be able to share her happiness with those who were less fortunate. We can all use that.
Sending strength and a great big hug from me to you and Nellie too.
Kathy Patalsky says
Thanks Patricia - so so true everything you have said. So sorry about your Chocolate Lab. Interesting that you are not ready for another dog. I feel like I will be the same way with cats.
Sending you thanks and Nelly sends purrs. xoxo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Heather. Nelly sends you many purrs. xoxoxo
Kathy Patalsky says
Laura, wow some powerful and interesting thoughts there. Thank you for those. It is such a sad situation that makes you wonder WHY the human-pet bond is so strong when our life spans are so out of sync.
"It was the first time that I, as an adult, was responsible for the care and well-being of another living creature." <- this is nelly for me. Thank you for the hugs, sending some back your way. xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Bishop, Nelly sends purrs back to you.
Thanks Elaine ox And thanks for calling her Nellster - she loves that. 🙂
Kathy Patalsky says
Melanie you made me cry too! Nelly WILL always live in my heart :(..
I'm so glad you found TWO sweet souls to cheer you up. So nice of you to adopt them both.
thank you for the thoughts. xoxo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Cheryl, so sorry about sweet Oneida.
"Scitzo kicked cancer's A**" <- Awesome! So happy when I hear cancer-beating success stories. What a triumph. I can only imagine what that feels like for people, pets and owners who get a huge cancer scare and suddenly beat it having a new lease on life. I keep envisioning what that would feel like for me and Nelly. That would be the best thing in the world. I agree with the emotions tip. I am trying SO SO hard to radiate positive energy and happy thoughts to her. Most of the times it is easy, but I do break now and then. It is so hard. xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Lois, I'm so sorry about Dinah. I'm so sorry you only had 9 days of illness with her. 3 1/2 weeks is still quite fresh so I'm thinking of you and hope you have comfort in knowing you two shared such a special and precious bond and for that you are such a lucky person. Sending you healing hugs in return. Nelly sends her love to you too.xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thanks McKel
Kathy Patalsky says
Thanks Amy, me too. Hope isn't gone until its over.
Kathy Patalsky says
"I always say having a tender heart is a curse of mine" <- yes me too. Being so sensitive is such a blessing but also feels like such a curse at times when you feel things seemingly deeper than the average thick-skinned person. I find a lot of vegans/animal lovers have this super sensitive skin. I'm so so sorry about Rambo. xo Thank you for saying this: "Nelly has no regrets, I promise." That is such a moving comment.
Kathy Patalsky says
Lindsay you made me cry. But that's ok. Oh goodness four days is just WAY too short of a time to say goodbye. Though I know this sad time is being spread out into uncertainty for me, I am SO SO SO blessed to have this time to devote to Nelly. I am so blessed for that. If she was taken from me in four days I do not know what I would do.
Thank you for THIS comment you wrote - comforts me a lot: "Losing a pet is one of the hardest things in the world. It is just like
losing a child. They are irreplaceable. For me, I would rather feel all
the pain of loss and sadness because it is a marker of how much they
meant to me. All that love and joy, I could never trade it away."
xoxoxoox
Kathy Patalsky says
Oh my. That brought me to tears just reading. I'm so sorry for your own kitty pain beachmama, but I'm so glad you have such a positive spirit about what you have gone through. That sounds so sad, it scares me, but "putting cats to sleep" scares me even more. I'll cross those bridges later. Now is snuggle kitty time. xoxo
Kathy Patalsky says
thanks Esther. I guess with all the doctors telling me such grimm statistics and timelines, I feel quite naive to be optimistic at this point.
But YES you are right, uplifting for Nelly so I'll keep embracing it.
Esther says
Your optimism isn't pathetic, it's uplifting and I am certain it's uplifting to Nelly!
beachmama says
So sorry to hear about Nelly . . . good that you're cherishing the time that she's still with you.
Something people don't like to discuss, but death is an inevitable path of life . . . I've always had my cats euthanized when they've suffered some incurable disease but last year I did something different. My cat "Grimmie" was wasting away from hyperthyroid and kidney failure. He was 14 years old and a feral rescue at age 8 months. The vet told us he did not appear to be suffering any pain so we cushioned his heated bed and allowed him to sleep, which he did for most of the day and night. His eating lessened, then drinking less until he chose to stop drinking anything. We decided not to force any fluids and allow him to choose. Within 2 days of no fluids, my husband and I heard him softly cry out, we both curled around him and he exhaled his last breath. It was a heartbreaking loss but losing 17 cats in the past 35 years to disease and such and having all but one euthanized, I would chose to do this from now on (as long as the cat wasn't suffering in pain). Just a thought that I hope is not to harsh or raw to think about right now . . .
You're a good mama Kathy, Nelly is blessed . . .
Lindsay says
This breaks my heart. As the daughter of a veterinarian I have loved and lived and lost some of my dearest friends all my life. Many were old, some not. Some were times we were able to prepare for and others were sudden.
Since November, we have lost two of our four dogs. In March, Otto, our Labrador Chow mix, whom my brother rescued ten years ago, passed from old age related complications (14 1/2). His first years, before he came to us, he was adopted and given away and spent over a year in a shelter. Along the way someone abused him. He was great with our collies and to my brother who rescued him but he was terrible afraid and standoffish. We gave him time and space and bit by bit he learned that he was loved and could trust us and that we would never, EVER harm him. He survived melanoma, too. The deepest comfort I found after losing him is that he could easily have been put down at the shelter ten years ago and forgotten about; instead, when he passed, he was surrounded by those who loved and cherished him. He was beloved, and I think that, deep down, that is all we could ask for.
November was worse for us. The night my mom finished creating our holiday cards I looked over and realized our 10-year-old collie, Ross, was not breathing right. We rushed him to my dad who examined him and then went to the 24 hour specialist hospital and they admitted him unsure if he had a severe lung infection or a heart problem. Tragically, it was his heart. It was failing and despite their best efforts, it was so severe that nothing could be done. He died four days later, the day my family was suppose to celebrate Thanksgiving. Ross and my mom had a bond deeper than any words could describe. They were soul mates in a manner of speaking. She's a pianist and could not touch her piano for two full months after he passed - he would sleep next to her while she played. Ross was goodness and sweetness. He never had a mean thought and just wanted love and be around everyone. Everyone was his friend. He had many serious health issues throughout his life: epilepsy, an antibiotic-resistant skin infection that caused him to lose most of his coat, a double hernia (twice!); and yet, he never ceased to be happy and loving and gentle -- though he also was the craziest, wildest puppy!
Losing a pet is one of the hardest things in the world. It is just like losing a child. They are irreplaceable. For me, I would rather feel all the pain of loss and sadness because it is a marker of how much they meant to me. All that love and joy, I could never trade it away.
They are one of the best parts of life and I know that Nelly could not be luckier to have a family like yours. Make this time count because it is precious.
Love and good wishes to Nelly and her family,
Lindsay
Briana says
Hi Kathy - I've never commented here before but I just had to send a hug out to you. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this tough time. I always say having a tender heart is a curse of mine - I love so much & hurt so badly at even the thought of things like this. All the things you're feeling are totally normal. I lost my mom to cancer two years ago, and even when we were in hospice everything in me still expected her to hop up and say something funny, and we'd all go home. It took months to sink in, and a long time to heal, but I promise that time soothes the rawness of that pain. We recently were in and out of the vet with our kitty boy Rambo, who lost 5 pounds and went through a series of tests & a surgery to find out that he had a terrible infection in his colon. It's so hard and so scary - I'm sorry that at the end of your wait for news that this is the news you got. Cats are such special, sweet, funny, weird little beings. The relationship you've had with your kitty is completely unique to you, and you're lucky that you got to share your life with her. She's lucky that you gave her the warm, loving home that you did. Nelly has no regrets, I promise.
Sending love & chin scratches to Nelly - Bri
Amy says
So sorry to hear about this Kathy, but your attitude is admirable and just what little Nelly needs right now. I will be thinking of you both and sending love. I believe that "miracles" can happen.
McKel Hill, MS, RDN, LDN says
This sounds amazing, what a perfect fruit combination of summer. My thoughts are with you and Nelly dear
Lois Middleton says
Kathy, I'm so sorry to hear about Nelly.
My Dinah Dog left just 3-1/2 weeks ago after a very short 9-day "illness" and I cry myself to sleep most nights, which is the hardest time of the day for me. I just want to pet her soft, fluffy head one more time and brush her tail and furry body one more time. I can't picture life without her, although I know she's still here in my heart. I, too, adopted a joyful, upbeat presence during those last nine days and as I lay on the floor next to her in the vet's office that last evening, I know she was peaceful and ready to leave. It's me that still wants her here. My heart feels broken and my spirit feels defeated.
You have an amazingly supportive group of people here - you and Nelly should be proud of what you've done together. It's an awesome thing to touch so many people.
You both are in in my heart and I send you both healing and peace. Big hugs.
cheryl says
I'm so sorry to hear about your precious Nelly. My story - my heart dog, Oneida, dx in renal failure 2005 then lymphoma 2007. My other girl, Scitzo, dx with lymphoma 3 months after Oneida. Chemo for both, a very very long, very very hard road. I lost Oneida to the cancer after a very brave 16-month fight. My heart was gone. I was shattered. It took many months for me to feel anything again. Scitzo kicked cancer's A** and is still here with me, in remission, 5 1/2 years later!
If I can offer any advice, please do your best to hide your emotions from Nelly. I spent many showers crying my eyes out. But, our babies feed off our emotions and it's best to keep them hidden. Always remember, Nelly loves YOU and wants YOU to be happy so if she feels like she's upsetting you, she will hide it. Cats and dogs are stoic, it's very difficult to tell how they feel if they're trying to hide it from you.
Yahoo groups has a lot of resources for pets with cancer. I moderate a canine lymphoma group. There must be groups for cancer in cats and I urge you to find them and join. You don't have to post if you're uncomfortable but the resources are amazing. You may find someone who is battling the same cancer as you and can offer advice / suggestions with things like reactions to medications, dealing with inappetence, etc.
Best of luck to you in your fight,
Cheryl, Scitzo and Oneida in spirit
Melanie says
Oh Kathy, I'm so sorry to hear about the cancer diagnosis. I lost my little girl, Tanga, 2 years ago and it still hurts. She was diagnosed on with leukemia and was gone a week later because she, like Nelly is now, wasn't in pain so we didn't notice anything until it was too late. I'm not sure which is worse - being prepared for it and knowing it will be agonizing in the end, or having it happen all at once. Either way it's terrible and it sucks and I'm sorry you have to go through it. I still get upset when I think about my baby; like Nelly for you, she got me through some tough times. What helped me, though I realize its not the right choice for everyone, was to adopt another cat. Two more actually. A brother and sister I discovered at the adoption center at PetSmart while I was there with my mom a couple of months after Tanga died. The woman at the center told me they had always been together but they didn't have to be adopted together, but I knew I couldn't split them up, so I adopted both. And I've never regretted that. They make me laugh and they've made a place in my heart....right next to where Tanga now lives. 🙂
You and Nelly are in our thoughts,
Melanie, Molly & Scooby
Elaine DeBitetto says
Dear Kathy: Bishop (pictured in my Avatar) wishes you and Nelly lots of love. He thinks Nelly must be related somehow because they both have a white spot between their noses and are tux kitties! Nelly has had a wonderful life albeit short. I've always loved getting my email notification that you've updated your blog but ALWAYS have enjoyed Nelly pix. Hugs to you both during this hard time. Now lets ALL MAKE STRAWBERRY PEACH PIE in honor of The Nell-ster.
Laura says
Dear Kathy & Nelly,
I've been keeping track of your posts and I must admit this story has me so moved. It creeps it into my thoughts constantly. I've lost family pets throughout my life and it has never been easy. However, it was only 18 months ago that my sweet 7+ year old brother-sister duo entered my life. It was the first time that I, as an adult, was responsible for the care and well-being of another living creature. And I promised them on the day they were brought into my home that I would do so for their entire lives. Thing is, as you know, I will see them go some day more than likely. It's what's "supposed" to happen. And I morosely think of that day and become sad, sometimes forgetting that right now they are here for me to love. I have lamented the fact that the Universe screwed up when it created this love between human and pet, knowing that we would be witness to their entire lives, that we will someday bid them farewell. It's doesn't seem right that their lives are so short compared to ours. And a friend showed me that they are in our lives to teach us loss... to teach us unconditional love all the way to their last day. It helps me to remind myself of that. So, keep doing what you're doing and love her every day she is here and know that once she no longer is, love continues.
I will make this strawberry & peach pie this week in honor of Nelly! Hugs to you both!
~ Sharing in your sadness, your fan, Laura
Heather McClees says
Kathy,
I'm so glad to see this post up today. I was thinking of you this morning, and thinking of Nelly, and praying for you both. No, I've never met you, but you've been such a joy in my life, and made a positive influence in my life as well. As a pet lover, and an owner of a precious dog I can't imagine losing, I understand what it is like to have your pet be more than that- but your best friend.
Recipes or not, your readers aren't going anywhere. You take care of YOU and take care of Nelly. We will be here when you return, still loving you as much as always.
Thank you for taking the time to update us too. As someone who knows all about healing, I can tell you truly are doing well, or at least as much as can be. You're a strong woman, and Nelly is being strong for you.
Praying for you the next few months as you go through this time.
Lots of Love<3
Heather
Kathy Patalsky says
Thanks Wendell
Kathy Patalsky says
Hi Emily, "whatever Nelly wants Nelly gets" <- so true right now. So sorry about your sweet dog. Man how awful. 🙁 Pets are SO stoic. It is crazy. Thanks for the positive vibes. Nelly sends you hugs back. xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thanks Laura. I'm so sorry about Gizmo 🙁 He sounds a lot like how Nelly is for me. And yes, Nelly will NEVER be forgotten. No way for that. xoxo
Kathy Patalsky says
Aw thanks Sherri. Sorry to make you cry. But sometimes crying is good. very good. I am SOOOOO sorry you went through cancer with your cat. It is so horrible, we appreciate the love and hope. xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thanks C&B. Nelly sends much love to Alfie! xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thanks Lindsay. It helps me to get things out on "paper" .. blogging this journey. And there is SO much amazing support from people who have gone through the same thing - it helps so much. I can only imagine how isolated I would feel if I kept this all to myself and tried blogging as normal!! No way. Thanks for the positive vibes. xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thanks G. love you - you are the best friend a gal could have. xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you so much Allie - we appreciate the healing reiki blessings. xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Angela, that means a lot. Thank you for the healing vibes too. You are the best. xoxoxox
Kathy Patalsky says
THANK YOU. miracle prayers are very welcome. xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you for the reassurance Liz - thank means a lot. So sorry you lost your furbaby 🙁 but so glad you were blessed with one you loved so much. Thanks for the hugs. xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thanks Abby - trying to take care of me too but it is soooooo hard. I have skimped on sleep and everything really .. just to devote everything to Nelly this past weeks. I have to work on finding that balance so I don't BURN OUT. Thanks for the reminder xoxo
patricia says
Kathy, I am sorry you have to experience this as sometimes the relationship we share with our pets is beyond words. I experienced something similar after having to put down my Chocolate Lab. I never thought I would love an animal this much. To my surprise when i met my boyfriend he brought a cat to the relationship, and she infact has become a very special little girl to me. Am I ready to have a dog again? I don't think so. however, it is neat that you are learning things along the way, I think its so neat to see your joys and triumphs in the midst of pain, I think Nelly would want this from you, as much as it is painful, its good that we lean not on our own strength but those with whom we find strength and also who we find out who are true friends really are. Just letting you know that my thoughts are with you, and I although I don't post much on here. i value and appreciate all that you have shared. All of it is truly inspirational, just as this has made me smile and share your pain. Thinking of you and know you have someone and others who care. <3 Thoughts and positive vibes for Nelly!!
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Claire xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thanks Ricki. It is devastating. I'm currently on the island of DENIAL. That's how I get through each day. I used to tear up too just thinking about Nelly leaving me someday even when she was totally fine! That feeling of dread always in the back of my chest.
Praying Elsie lives long + healthy. I'm glad you have her in your life!
xo
Kathy Patalsky says
thanks Shannon
Kathy Patalsky says
thank you
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you so much. And thanks for being a loyal reader. I too LOVE adding nelly pics to my posts. 🙁 I will be lost without her in the background of my photoshoots.
Seriously don't know how i will manage working at home without her ... can't even think about it right now.
Sorry about Plugg 🙁 That is so sad. But I'm so happy that you found some peace and a new animal friend to help you through that pain that I'm sure will always linger. Animals are such healing creatures. This I know for sure! Thanks for the sweet comment and thoughts to Nellycat xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thanks Robin, it really is horrible going through this. But thank goodness she is so normal right NOW so I can spend every second with her as a still healthy-acting kitty cat. I will love her to pieces for sure. xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thanks you for the positive vibes!!!! Miracles do happen right?? What a huge heart you must have to work in that department. WOW. I cannot even imagine. What strength and insight into human and animal lives, loss, joy and suffering you must have. Thank you for devoting your work to animals in need. POSITIVE is the word of the day (for everyday from now on ) xoxo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thanks John, that means much. xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Hi Katie, glad you found my blog! Thanks for visiting 🙂
That is exactly what my husband and I keep saying ... NELLY IS A PERSON. It makes perfect sense to us given the role she has played in our lives. I would do anything for that kitty cat.
I'm so sorry you lost your dog to cancer. It is such an UNFAIR way to say goodbye. xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Yes pet owners are the bravest people for loving such lovable, sweet creatures when we know they our hearts will be surely broken in the end. That is why i'm just trying to be so THANKFUL for the blessing of spending so many years with Nelly by my side. I am so lucky for that.
Thank you for the healing vibes. xo
Kathy Patalsky says
Thanks slywlf. Yes the Reiki music itself if so calming. I bought an album by the Reiki Music Academy. I keep playing the "healing liver" song on repeat for her. Either way it certainly calms her. Thanks for the healing thoughts. Nelly sends you purrs.
slywlf says
The recipe looks lovely, and I will be sure to try it while
the strawberries and peaches are still available.
My deepest sympathy on what you are going through with
Nelly. Having been there I do truly understand. It might help to know that your
loving attentions to Nelly, the touching and gentle playing are in the truest
sense a vital form of healing - you do not need formal training and a framed
certificate on the wall to do this sort of Reiki. All it takes is intent - the
selfless desire to draw in whatever healing life force you believe in and
channel it to your sweet pet. No
chanting or mysticism required.
The Reiki music does serve a purpose as a focus to help YOU
keep calm and serene, but any gentle unobtrusive music can serve. I happen to
find Reiki music incredibly soothing and often use a few favorites to help me
settle down to sleep after a stressful day. If Nelly is responding - to the
music, or more likely to you, keep it up! If nothing else it will form the
basis for comforting memories later, and reinforcing your bond with her can
only be good for her.
I will be focusing healing thoughts to both of you for the
foreseeable future. All my best to you both!
Norma Elgersma says
Sending you positive and healing vibes...I have been through losses of my dearly loved pets. It is very very hard, but trite as it sounds- time is a healer. The unfortunate thing about pet relationships is that we usually outlive them. My losses have taught me to seize the now and to appreciate what I have right this moment.
Guest says
Aw Kathy, I'm so sorry about your sweet kitty!! Having a wonderful pet for so many years, then finding out they have cancer is SO hard. We went through that with my yellow lab when I was in high school. You are absolutely right, it IS literally the hardest thing to go through; other people may not get that because they think it's just an animal, but it's not. That animal has been part of your family and basically a PERSON to you for years; they have a personality, and likes and dislikes, and they are always there to greet you when you come home. That was the biggest adjustment for me after we lost our dog to cancer--coming home from work and her not being there to greet me. You do adjust though, but don't discount how hard it is. You are totally allowed to have a breakdown. I am so sorry though, because I know how hard that is to go through. =(
By the way, I found your blog about a week ago and have been so enjoying it =) thank you so much for posting these awesome recipes...I am working toward going vegan, but I'm finding that it's a process and may take some time. Anyway, thanks again for posting recipes even though you may not feel up to it; I appreciate it a lot, and have started telling my vegan friends and family about your site. Thanks again, and I'm so so sorry again about Nelly.
John Hartil says
That empty black hole of nothing less pain does eventually fill with the pleasant memories of the times you had. In my thoughts and prayers
Percival Vaughan says
Sending wonderful healthy cancer free thoughts to you and Nelly. I know how hard this is. I'm a nurse at an emergency vet clinic, and we have to give bad news to people a lot of the time. I believe that there can be miracles, ( I have seen them) so I hope a miracle will come to you! Hang in there, and positive actions around Nelly are super important!
Robin P says
You poor thing. I'm praying for you and for your dear, sweet kitty. I've been there. The pain is real and it's so hard. Just go day by day, love her to pieces and make good memories.
sigen92 says
Hi Kathy!
I'm so, so sorry to hear about Nelly. I've been reading this blog for years and it has been a highlight of my day whenever you post a recipe or update where that little, sweet face pops in. I especially love the pictures of her bathing in the sunlight streaming in from a door or window. Simply precious.
Anyway, I wanted to say that I know what you're going through. My sweet old dog, Plugg, who had been my 'nanny' when I was a baby (he would lie with one paw on my blanket and growl at anyone who came too close), was attacked by another dog and after that incident, his health deteriorated at an alarming pace. His internal organs just, one by one, failed. At the end, the vet couldn't even feel blood streaming through his veins. We had to make the gruelling decision to put him out of his obvious misery. We buried him in my grandparents garden, under one of the rhododendron bushes, so that every spring, large pink petals fall on his grave. (I am now bawling writing this, but there is a point to this sad tale...)
I thought I'd never be happy again without him in my life, but you know what? I am. Though no one can replace Plugg, we now have the funniest, brightest, lovable collie mix. Her name is Bonnie. She has brought my life so much and helped heal the wound left behind after Plugg's death. But you don't necessarily need another furry friend in your life to heal. Time, and especially happy memories, will do that all on their own. I know it seems impossible at this stage, but focus on the happy times you shared with Nelly, both now and when you're forced to part. I'm sure she would be much happier knowing that you can be able to continue with your life, but still remember the sweet, loving, playful, sunbathing creature that she was.
Sorry for the novel. My thoughts are with both you and Nelly!
Dishing Up The Dirt says
keeping nelly in my thoughts.
Shannon says
I'm so sorry to hear this! It's always a hard situation to be in.
Ricki says
Oh, Kathy, I'm so sorry to hear about Nelly. I can't even imagine how hard it must be. Honestly, when I think about Elsie going (she's almost 11 now and moving a lot more slowly these days), I tear up and have to deliberately think of something else or I might have a breakdown right there. So I think I get how you must feel. Our animals are so much more than pets, and the love and companionship they provide is something unmatched in its purity in any other relationships. Sending positive, healing energy your way (a la Patch Adams!) and hoping that Nelly continues to rally and has many more days with you. She's lucky to have had you as a "mom"! xo
Claire Elizabeth says
I will definitely be keeping you and miss Nelly cat in my prayers.
Abby Heugel says
I "get" it as well, as animals have always had such a special place in my life and my heart. They're more than just pets, they're family, and it's very brave of you to be so honest and open as you go through this horrible time.
But like you said, you need to enjoy the time you have now and not mourn her before she is gone. Love her like you love her and know you have so many people "outside" this blog that are sending you loving and positive thoughts, as well. And of course, your pictures and your pies look amazing. Just make sure you take care of YOU so you can take care of Nelly.
XO
Liz says
Kathy, I've been eagerly awaiting a Nelly update but was so saddened to read what has surpassed thus far. I am one of those readers that "gets" how hard this will be for you. After being diagnosed with a degenerative disease (ie: an illness with no treatment), I lost MY furbaby just over 4 years ago last month. He, too, was a rescue whom had been with me for 12 years, and, like, Nelly changed your life, he COMPLETELYaltered mine. There's nothing to say that will make any of what you are going through hurt less. Like the passing of any loved one, though, the pain will sting less, over time.
You're doing everything "right" regarding your attitude and the extra love you're giving sweet Nelly (who is, by the way, absolutely gorgeous). Like you, I am all for alternative therapies, and though I'm not entirely convinced of the efficacy of Reiki on humans, I 100% believe it to be enormously beneficial to animals -- they just operate and exist on a different plane than we humans do. Making the most of the time you have with her now and cherishing the life you've shared together will help you cope with the unbelievable heartache after Nelly is no longer with you. I've been thinking about Nelly everyday since you posted about her being "under the weather", and I'll continue to keep her in my thoughts. Being strong and stoic for Nelly is going to help you BOTH so do what you can to continue on as you have been. Hang in there, Kath. ::hugs::
Evelyn Reyna Castagna says
Thanks for the update on Nelly. Although I love your recipes, Nelly has taken over the front burner. I'm happy to hear you're trying this new approach of positive energy when you're with her. I'm sure it is hard but you seem to be a pretty strong individual to achieve all you have in life.
Prayer for a miracle has already been sent. Take care Miss Kathy.
Guest says
I'm so sorry to hear about your lovely Nelly. What a brave, honest post to write. Your story has touched me so much. I recall losing my dog several years ago - he was hit by a car. That pain was like nothing else I've experienced. Nelly is truly so lucky to have a mother like you! I'm sure she is feeling your love now more than ever. And don't worry about making recipes for us. We'll be here when you are ready to write, whatever it's about. Sending healing vibes....xo
Allie says
I have been so touched by this story of your journey with Nelly, it reminds me a lot of what I went through in June with my dog Betty. She also had cancer and towards the end I had gotten certified in Reiki & it helped her tremendously. It was amazing! the relief it brought her. I'd like to share a little bit of her story with you, thinking it might help. Is there an email address or something I can reach you at?
Love & reiki blessings to you & Nelly,
Allie
The Vegan Cookie Fairy says
Lovely recipe, and good luck to Nelly!! My cat is my baby, too, so I understand how horrible this must be for you. Stay strong, and my best to Nelly xoxo
Gena Hamshaw says
K, I'm so happy that our friendship has been giving you strength. You know how much I adore you -- and you know I'm here no matter what.
If you'd put some peanuts and raisins on a plate and called it a blog post, I'd have been impressed. But instead, you gave us this gorgeous and decadent pie. Only you, Kathy -- genius and beauty, even on your hardest of days.
Lindsay says
Thanks for being brave enough to share your journey with us. I know all to well what you're going through and there is nothing easy about it. Your choice to shower your sweet love with joy just brings, tears to my eyes. It's so sweet and loving. Sending positive thoughts your way.
coconutandberries says
So so sorry to hear this sad news. I really feel for you. I'm so close to my dog Alfie and can't stand seeing him unwell 🙁 At least, the doc said, you know she's not in pain.
Definitely just take it one day at a time. I think you need someone to make YOU a pie! This one looks beautiful.
Sherri says
Reading ... crying. I am so very sorry. I went through this (cancer) with my cat, Martin, several years ago ... the pain and sadness ... always there. Thinking of you and Nelly ... sending love and hope. xo
Laura K says
I am so sorry you have to go through this! The kitty we had when I was a girl just passed away a few years ago from thyroid cancer. He had always been a very plump kitty and at the end he was so skinny even though he ate a lot. His metabolism was in overdrive because of the cancer. We all cuddled with him and kept him close until the very end. I still miss Gizmo so very much but at least he is not suffering anymore. He was my constant companion when I lived at home and he will never be forgotten. I wish you so many happy moments in whatever time Nelly has left. Cherish her and remember, she will also never be forgotten.
Warm Vanilla Sugar says
This looks fabulous! Such a classic 🙂
Emily says
I am so sorry to hear about Nelly's illness. Just love her with all of her heart. Whatever Nelly wants, Nelly gets. That's all you can do and I know Nelly will love you so much for it. I just passed the second anniversary of my first Golden Retriever's death to hemagiosarcoma. That seems unreal now. It feels like it has been longer than two years, but other times I watch videos of her or look at pictures and it seems like just yesterday her head was in my lap and I was reading aloud to her as a high schooler. Cancer is a terrible disease. Cardiac hemangiosarcoma took my sweet Aubrie within 48 hours. I had no idea. I find it incredible that our pets are so stoic. They don't like to show us pain. They just love. So the best thing we can do for them in return is to love them. I will keep you in my thoughts. Sending lots of positive and happy energy!
Hugs!
Emily
Wendell Stoker says
hang in there -- it's so hard for you, but Nelly will remember last week as the start one of the happiest times in her life, when you were totally indulgent and present for her. Playing before dawn? Yes! Many little treats throughout the day? Yes! Hours and hours of hanging on the fuzzy blue chair? Yes! Yes! Yes! It is a wonderful thing to be make someone as happy as you are making Nelly right now. Be proud of that, and enjoy it.