Happy Friday bloggy friends! So the title of this post pretty much says it all. It is TRUE..
Your Life Will Change When You Realize "Perfect" is Overrated.
I will say it again, everything changes when you realize that those idealistic, perfect visions of yourself and of your work and everything in between are really just illusions. Perfect rarely happens. And when it does, you stop and think. Hey, this isn't really all that great. I want to go back to me. A little messy, a little undone, a little silly, a little awkward, a little different.
And yes I have a story to go along with today's little chat .. and a video link I really hope you check out!!..
Later in the post.. these cups.
But first the chat..
So I am a long time recovering perfectionist. I actually told that to my Uber driver the other day when he asked me what I wanted to improve in my life. (Yes, Uber drivers now double as therapists in case you were wondering.) And I told him I was a "recovering perfectionist." He paused and asked me what in the world that meant. I was stunned that he didn't get it. I mean in today's world of Instagram and Photoshop and filters.. Maybe it is a girl thing? No, I know guys who struggle too. Or maybe anyone who isn't a perfectionist just doesn't understand why so many people stress themselves out over trying to be THE BEST they can be. 'What's that all about?' They say in a calm, cool, collected voice.
I want a little more of that attitude in my self talk. Perfect, who?
Well I didn't get into this topic too deeply with MrUberDriver. But I will with you guys. I used to be an aching perfectionist, but never really thought it was a bad thing. In fact, it was good for me! Perfectionism served me well in our modern day world! It helped me get A's in high school and college, excel in extra curricular activities, in sports and with my friends. It helped me learn how to do my makeup and hair, "perfectly" in my view, and figure out how to eat my best and work out. And a lot of that stuff is great!
..But there is a fine line between wanting the actual best circumstances for yourself, your work, your body and wanting an extreme, incredibly hard to attain state of perfect. And usually, with a perfectionist, there is always room for improvement. The next level. A never ending cycle of beating your personal best.
In short, it is all incredibly exhausting on your mind, body and spirit.
The sign for me of and unhealthy standard of approval for myself was when if I didn't look perfect, get the A, win, succeed, get the job, whatever and felt REALLY bad about myself because of it. I was uncomfortable if things were not my vision of "the best." Aka perfect. If I failed, I felt bad. When really, failure is a very important part of life.
Failing is good!
If you haven't already... watch the video by Oprah at the bottom of this post. It is awesome!
Life isn't perfect. People are not perfect. In fact, as this post title suggests, perfection .. straight A's, perfect makeup, perfect clothes, perfect relationships, perfect looks are absolutely overrated.
Now, sure you may want to have the face of a supermodel and a bank account like George Lucas, but those things do not bring happiness. Ask anyone who has ever had "perfect" beauty, money, success. Many of them struggle with, "Why do I have all this, but feel unhappy sometimes?"
The reason is because happiness is not about perfection. It is about loving your imperfections and the challenges and messiness of your life. A blank white canvas vs a splattering of rainbow colors. I choose the messy rainbow, please!
If only I had known all that in my twenties, I would have been a much happier person.
"Perfect" may look amazing from the outside, but from the inside it can start to feel like a box. A small, lonely box that you put yourself and your life in. You have to fit inside that box of perfect. And while you may look amazing and successful to others .. inside you feel trapped. And your box will keep you from living your life because you are afraid if rejection and more tragic: failure. And failure doesn't mean an "F" grade or losing a job. It can simply mean disappointing yourself, or others.
So ya, this video by Oprah, watch it!
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Anyways, perfectionism takes all sorts of shapes and strengths. You may only feel it in one part of your life, like your body or your job. And you may be totally ok with little bits of it, or embrace it. And really, that's probably every person reading this. It really isn't about smashing all perfectionism, but learning to balance the parts of it that that make you unhappy.
Like for me, I still struggle with it in my work. I find the work life balance to be a challenge because I want to do it all with my career. But I am learning to embrace balance. Every day I learn something new about myself and what truly makes me happy in life. And more and more, all that fuss and "perfectness" does not.
So the story! So for MONTHS now I have been avoiding doing videos on my Facebook page for my other brand, FindingVegan.com. There are almost a million likes to that page, and so many people who see each post -- much more than on my blog facebook page! So I kept saying, I will only post a PERFECT video. When I have time to do it..
Well months passed and no videos.
Until yesterday, I wrote something in a Facebook group and my blogger friend VeganRicha encouraged me to do a video. I stopped, closed my computer and as the sun was setting, the day's sunlight fading away, I rushed to do a video of something simple: Almond Butter Cups.
I whipped out the video in about an hour and then edited the video that night. The video is not in any way "perfect" in the standard I wanted and had envisioned in my mind. But you know what..
Having an imperfect achievement is way better than having a perfect... nothing.
So I did it! I posted the video onto the Facebook page. I feel great that I did it.
Do I Sound Ridiculous or Are You In This With Me? My whole story may sound silly to you, but that is what perfectionism is all about. It looks SO silly to an outsider, but it is an inner struggle for the person going through it...
"Do I look fat in this?" .... 'No! You are crazy"
"I got an A-, that is awful!" ..... "What, you are nuts, that is great!"
"I came in second in the race!!" .... "But you beat all those other people and did amazing! I can't even run one lap that fast!"
"I just ate two pieces of cake. Omg." .... "You are insane. You are a healthy person and everyone can treat themselves."
"Look at that perfect couple! Why can't that be us?" .... "We love each other and that's the best feeling in the world."
"This painting looks like crap!" .... "Um, it is gorgeous... and I can't even do stick drawings."
Perfect is all about perspective. So change your perspective to realize that perfect is overrated and what is truly beautiful and magical and special is...
Messiness with passion.
Make-upless faces.
Loving your body every darn day because it is so miraculous.
Working out because it keeps you strong, not to change your body shape.
Eating to fuel your body, bot to deprive it.
Working hard because you are so freaking creative and talented and intelligent, not to be the perfect employee or entrepreneur.
Realizing your relationships will take work and go through rough patches, but true friends and loves will always rise to the top.
Silliness.
Laughter, loud and quiet, uncontrollable.
Staying in your PJs all day.
Messy hair.
Happy faces and a happy feeling because gratitude for your life.
Being thankful for your home and the people in your life, no matter what.
Love, big and warm, constant and unpredictable.
Friendship, ridiculously awesome in every way, and yet always changing imperfectly.
Failure and learning from it.
Sadness and coming out of it.
And on and on and on.
My Video! So that is my little chat for today. To end, I would love love love if you check out the video I made! It is not perfect and the music is not the best, the cups were not fully hardened and kinda cracked, but ya know what, at least I did it. And the recipe is so yummy. So that makes it awesome. Perfection can literally stop you in your tracks for months, years even, from getting stuff done -- so one foot in and here it went. Oh and Sochi cat makes a little cameo in the video .. totally not the usual recipe video thing, but everything is better with a kitty cat, right?
And I will end with my imperfect spirit animal... Pumpkin the Raccoon. She isn't a dog or cat. She is an imperfect house pet on most people's terms.. and that makes her so darn magical. 🙂#CutenessOverload 😹 Have you met @pumpkintheraccoon? The rescued raccoon who fits in just fine with her fellow family members (humans and pups) #LoveHer (and I think I finally found my #SpiritAnimal ✨) ------ #Repost @pumpkintheraccoon ・・・ Coffee... Must. Have. COFFEE! A photo posted by kathy / healthyhappylife (@kathypatalsky) on Oct 7, 2015 at 3:20pm PDT
gabbe howey says
I am so with you!! thank you for such an awesome post! & thank you for sharing i so appreciate your courage. it really helps in the end to know none of us is alone in this- for me it's trying to be "super mom" and a constant up/down struggle with my weight! i just loved the video too & can't wait to make some!! ((GIANT HUGS))
Zooarch Lindsay says
Thanks for this post Kathy! I too am a recovering perfectionist. I have struggled with this my entire life and likely will for many years to come. It is really great knowing that I am not alone and that others have and continue to make positive changes in their lives.
My most recent change has been cutting dairy out of my diet, a result of a stress-induced allergy. A couple of months have passed and while I think I miss cheese the most, I have found other satisfying alternatives, feel much more healthy and energetic, and have even dropped a few pounds! During this change I have contemplated becoming vegan and purchased your Healthy, Happy, Vegan book. It is really wonderful, easy to follow, and the recipes are foolproof.
While I'm not yet fully vegetarian or vegan, I am making healthier food and exercise choices. I love going to the weekly farmer's market to load up on local delicious veggies and figuring out how best to use them! I am feeling much better about myself and my body, learning to love it as it is. I am also trying to find more balance in my life and am making some good progress. I've got a long road ahead but I'm glad to know that a happier healthier me is finally coming out of her shell!
Vegan Richa says
Yay! I love the video! In the world of perfect, pretty, better than me, there is a place for all people and content. The imperfections make this video real and achievable. Its perfect in its way.
I have always been incredibly hard on myself. Over the past few years of crappy health has made me see that it doesnt help me at all. The blog, photography, videos, everything I keep learning on the job when I can. The good part about it all is there is no one putting grades on it! That racoon is living his life.
RockMyVeganSocks says
"Do I Sound Ridiculous or Are You In This With Me?" I am with you!!! It's funny you posted this as to be honest, I find your blog the one I measure myself up against. You're the perfect blogger - you seem like you have everything all together. I really appreciate you being open & honest with us about it. I am definitely a recovering perfectionist, I still have a hard time with it. Your words are beautiful & inspirational.
And your cups video is the bomb =D
Kathy Patalsky says
Ahhhh I am not the perfect blogger. I mean, is there such a thing, really? Gosh I hope not. I work my butt off that is my secret weapon for any success my work life has 🙂 But that is my other flaw, I probably work too hard! Balance is a beautiful thing! Thank you so much for the sweet words, I am so truly glad my post resonated with you. <3
mclanek says
Yum! I'm inspired to make these, especially with permission to make a delicious mess in the process!
Kathy Patalsky says
mess: approved 😉
Katie | Delightful Vegans says
Loved reading this Kathy! Everyone can relate in some way. The video is fantastic! Every time we do a video or even a blog post, there is that hesitation - and the thought - is it good enough? But then there's a sense of obligation.. and that thought wins (most of the time!). Thanks for taking the time to write this post. PS - Your kitty is just too adorable!
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you Katie! Loved your comment. I guess because it was the FIRST video I put so much pressure on it. Weight lifted! And ya, little Sochi is way too cute. He is like a little ray of sunshine every second of the day. He never gets mad or grumpy, he is just such a happy cat.
Veggie Inspired says
I love this post, Kathy! I am also a recovering perfectionist. And, I have relapses all the time. Having kids has definitely taught me that NOT perfect is ok - mainly a perfectly clean, organized house. If I see it through a strangers eyes, it still gives me a stomachache, but for now I'm letting it go. And I don't want my perfectionist ideals to rub off on them, so I'm trying to teach them all the awesome things that you mentioned in this post. It's about trying your best and having fun, not about being perfect. And by the way, those almond butter cups looks insanely good. And I love that raccoon!
Kathy Patalsky says
That is so great that you are thinking about the lessons and habits you are passing down to your kids. Obviously I don't have kids yet, but I know they are like little sponges, so that is such a good point you make. Sometimes I forget about how the little ones around us pick up on our energies - such a great reminder.
The Wooden Spoon says
This was such a wonderful post. I love Oprah and it's always so helpful at the beginning of the week to be reminded to slow down and focus. Also, your raccoon is the cutest thing EVER.
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you, so glad you liked this post 🙂 And ahaha I WISH I had a raccoon... but Sochi the cat is pretty darn close to Pupkin the raccoon 😉
Kate Jones says
Very inspirational! You are such a great person and my idol. I really admire you. Much thanks for sharing all these great posts with us!
Kathy Patalsky says
Aw Kate, that is beyond sweet of you to say. Thank you so much for the love. It means so much to me! <3
Artistic Vegan says
You have such a beautiful heart Kathy, that was a lovely post. Thank you for sharing your heart. I am a "recovering perfectionist" and I totally agree with you. I've held back hundreds of recipes, not recorded videos, and so forth all because it is not "perfect", I loved your quote or tweetable as Marie Forlio would say "Having an imperfect achievement is way better than having a perfect...nothing." great job creating the video, it was great!
Kathy Patalsky says
That is a great quote from Marie! She has such amazing content, love her. Thank you so much for the kind words, they mean so much to me!
Kathy Rogers says
Thanks so much for sharing this, Kathy. I am learning more with each passing year to let go of "perfection seeking," and to ignore those people who expect it from me. I loved your video when I saw it last night on FB! I also love the Oprah video and it's so appropriate right now since I am evolving and working through one of those "what am I doing and where am I supposed to be" periods.
Heather McClees says
I love this, thanks for sharing! I am so hard on myself with work and achievements too. I have been a chronic perfectionist since birth despite appreciating my body and life's messiness much more now than I used to. But the career part is still hard for me. I'm my worst critic. Thanks for the gentle reminder... and a yummy video! I love it! 🙂
Kathy Patalsky says
Thank you for sharing that Heather, it makes me feel so good when you guys share your stories here. Xo
Aimee Brimmer says
Thank you for this! I struggle too. Every day. I have since I was a child and I am now in my 40's. You, my dear, are such a beautiful and precious gift to this world. Hope you always remember that. Believe it because it is true. You are amazing just the way you are! I wish I could meet you and give you a hug in person. Maybe someday. But for now, (((hugs)))
Dolly says
Thank you for being you Kathy Patalsky - thank you for enriching the lives of people who read your blog and buy your cookbooks. Reading your blog has helped me in ways you will never know, your words are constant inspiration to me. Thank you, thank you, thank you x
Kathy Patalsky says
Aw that makes me so happy to hear Dolly! Thank you so much for the sweet comment it. I share all this stuff not for myself really, but in the hopes that it will reach people. I want to add some light and honesty and love to the online space. I am so glad my blog has touched you! 💗
Shanna says
Do you watch Oprah's show Super Soul Sunday? I really really recommend it if you don't. The entire shows premise is about finding happiness basically. It is wonderful and I think you'd get a lot out of it. And yeah perfect isn't real. Anybody you see on social media supposedly looking or living a perfect life is a phony. It's not real and you Kathy are absolutely beautiful inside and out. Nobody wants to be friends with somebody "perfect" anyway. Where's the fun in that? You can still work to improve yourself without striving for perfect. Everybody can work to be kinder, more compassionate, less angry, etc. But perfect isn't something to strive for cause like you said it's an illusion. I work on myself everyday but through mindfulness. Simply being more aware of myself in every moment.
Kathy Patalsky says
Yes I watch! Loved her interview with Wayne Pacelle a few weeks ago. I love this very soulful side of Oprah's career.